Musings

Moral Responsibility

2010-01-20T18:15:00.004-05:00

As many people have been intently focused on the progress of relief efforts in Haiti, I've been encouraged by the outpouring of love and support and compassion. Despite some of the criticisms of the bureaucracy and delays of medicine, food, water, and other necessities, the general public support of this crisis has been phenomenal. It reminds me of the response from previous disasters including the Indian Ocean Tsunami in 2004 and Hurricane Katrina.

But what has been more surprising is how journalists covering the aftermaths of the earthquake have aided in the recovery efforts. More specifically, I admire Anderson Cooper and Dr. Sanjay Gupta for their actions in getting their hands dirty and aiding search and rescue teams as well as medical teams to save lives. Some news outlets and the general population of cynics have surprisingly (or unsurprisingly depending on your perspective) lashed out at CNN's apparent exploitation of the situation for sensationalism and money. Sure, reporting about how you saved someone's life can be seen as self-aggrandizing. But are we, as a society, so cynical that we can't appreciate that journalists like Anderson Cooper and Dr. Sanjay Gupta essentially save people's lives? Too often journalists are judged and criticized for merely covering tragic events without lending a helping hand. Now, some are criticizing them for actually doing something good to help out the situation. It's pretty unbelievable, if you ask me.

Something about Dr. Sanjay Gupta applying his trade as a doctor to give medical attention to the needy was inspiring. I'm sure he had other responsibilities as a journalist and could have easily ignored the pleas of the injured and proceeded to report objectively from a distance. I don't want to speculate on what his motives were to help, but it was refreshing to see that he would tend to the sick and injured himself. Wherever God leads me after graduate school, in whatever job/career I'll be in, I wish to show the same kind of moral fiber that these journalists (and hopefully many other journalists in Haiti) showed by helping out in any way possible even if we're not responsible for it.

Haiti

2010-01-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

It is home to nearly ten million people, most of whom live in abject poverty. Its long pattern of corrupt governance has rendered its people helpless. It is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. And today, it finds itself in the most dire situation after a 7.0 magnitude earthquake ravaged its most densely populated city, Port Au-Prince. It is feared that more than a hundred thousand are dead and many more unaccounted for in a country too poor to invest in the proper infrastructure that could withstand earthquakes.

Reading, listening, and watching the news unfold in the past 24-hours via CNN, New York Times, radio stations, blogs, etc., I'm compelled to give out of my poverty what I can to do something to the people of Haiti. At times like these, I wish I had more money so that I could at least give more. At times like these, I wish I could be mobilized to even go to ground zero and help in the search and rescue operations. But I believe that if my God could feed thousands with just five loaves of bread and two fish, then my small financial donation could be multiplied in bringing healing and compassion to those in desperate need.

Instead of hearing fundamentalist and televangelists (once again) attribute a horrific natural disaster to the work of God's judgment and a curse, I wish to live out my faith by serving the poor, the weak, and the orphans. Jesus did not come down to condemn, but instead, he came to seek and save what was lost.

Will you join me and others in giving, not out of wealth, but out of poverty to those less fortunate than us? Here are some places taking donations to serve the people of Haiti:

Another Year

2009-12-29T01:12:00.004-05:00

It's rapidly approaching that time when everyone is reflecting on the year. There have surely been many newsworthy events that have transpired over the past twelve months. The inauguration of Barack Obama as the first African-American President of the United States, North Korea's failed satellite launch and subsequent second nuclear test, former South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun's suicide, outbreak of H1N1 virus around the world, Iranian presidential election and its subsequent pro-reformist demonstrations that have continued, death of Michael Jackson, riots in Xinjiang between Han Chinese and Uyghurs, Roxana Saberi's detention and release by Iran, Laura Ling and Euna Lee's detention and release by North Korea, coup d'etat in Honduras, typhoons ravage Taiwan and Southeast Asia, the emergence of the G-20, the 2016 Summer Olympics to Brazil, President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize and its subsequent controversies, escalation of War on Terror in Afghanistan, healthcare reform in the United States, and so on.

On a personal note, the year has flown by. I can't believe another year has come and gone, and I don't even know where it went. Quantitative analysis, national security and WMD proliferation, insurgency and counterinsurgency, nuclear North Korea, intelligence and foreign policy, and political risk analysis. Internships at the Hudson Institute and the Korea Economic Institute in the summer and fall. Waiting for security clearance for internship next semester. Paul and Gina in February, Moses and Julie and Dyon and Shlim in May, Mike and Liz and Dave and Anita in June, and Yohan and Grace in October. Missed out on P.Jimmy and Grace in June and Dave and Jihye in October. My brother's graduation from UCLA in June. Two trips to Ann Arbor in May, and two trips to SoCal in June. New church plant in DC. Start of job searches and the preparation for the beginning of the end of my formal education forever. And the list goes on and on.

It has been a year of many ups and downs, but like all good things, it must come to an end. I can't wait for the ball to drop in Times Square and usher in a new year, a year that will bring new blessings and new challenges. But before then, I wish to reflect some more, especially on a spiritual level. I want Psalm 42:1 to be my prayer throughout next year, to long for God in a deeper and more meaningful way.

One Baby

2009-12-25T00:06:00.002-05:00

It ain't about the presents, the Christmas trees, and the mistletoes.
It sure ain't about Santa Claus and his team of reindeers.
It most definitely isn't about the shopping madness online or in the malls.
It ain't about the carols, the jingle bells, or even the hymns of old.
It ain't even about attending midnight mass or any religious service.
It ain't all this and much more.

Everything boils down to just one thing.
It is the one thing that has given hope to a bleak and cold world.
That one thing was a he, and he came from humble origins, origins from ancient of days.
Love came down, and it has changed everything.

do not be afraid. I bring good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.

Thank You

2009-11-11T17:39:00.007-05:00

A couple of friends and I decided to pay a visit to the final resting place of a fallen friend. We had the day off, to commemorate Veteran's Day, and we felt it was only appropriate to spend time at Arlington, paying our respects to the men and women of the armed forces who paid the ultimate sacrifice for country. It was a dreary day, with the rain coming down at a steady rate and the cold wind blowing in our face. But the experience of seeing families, friends, veterans, soldiers, and visitors walking the hallowed grounds of Arlington National Cemetery to pay tribute to fallen colleagues, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends, and strangers was unforgettable.

A lot can be said about the politics of war. The debate of what to do about Afghanistan continues to rage inside the Beltway, as President Obama wrestles with one of the hardest decisions a president surely has to make: whether to send more soldiers in harm's way. But I leave that discussion for another day. This day, I thank the men and women of the armed forces for their incredible sacrifice and valor. We, as a nation, are indebted to their service. I also thank military families for their sacrifices that go largely unnoticed. Last, but not least, I thank our fallen heroes whose lives have been cut short but never forgotten.

Here is a blog entry written by a stranger who, even after three years, also cannot forget the sacrifice of Andy Kim,our fallen friend who was KIA in Iraq. Andy Minhee Kim, you are remembered. Thanks, friend, for everything.

In light of Veteran's Day, here is one of the most moving advertisements I have ever seen. Thank you.

Tear Down This Wall

2009-11-09T14:06:00.002-05:00

Given the significance of today's date in history, I figured I'd break my drought of blogging and reflect on the momentous occasion of the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Ich Bin ein Berliner. President John F. Kennedy's speech in June 26, 1963 was a rallying point for West Germans at a time when the lines of the Cold War were drawn with the erection of the Berlin Wall. "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" President Ronald Reagan's speech in June 12, 1987 was another momentous occasion. Finally, on November 9, 1989, the physical wall that separated a city and a country came crashing down. The wall that had physically divided a nation was no more, and families, separated for decades, reunited. Democracy had prevailed, and twenty years later, the world commemorates the anniversary.

But another Cold War relic continues to divide another people group half-way around the world. The Koreans, historical victims of great power politics, remain divided. President Bill Clinton once remarked that the demilitarized zone (DMZ) that separates the two Koreas "is the scariest place on earth." North Korea has more than a million-member army with hundreds of short-range missiles aimed at Seoul, ready to reunite the country by force at a moment's notice. South Korea, along with U.S. forces, is bunkered along the border ready to defend the South. North Korea has been developing nuclear weapons, while the United States has extended its nuclear deterrence to protect South Korea. The Korean War remains technically unresolved, with no formal peace treaty ever signed.

In this context, families have been separated for more than sixty years. Once in awhile, the two Koreas have agreed to allow pre-selected families to reunite in historic summits, which have generally been emotional affairs that have garnered international attention. The latest family reunion took place a couple of months ago at Mt. Keumkang in North Korea. Yet, unlike the dissolution of the artificial division in Germany, the two Koreas remain at odds with each other, well into the 21st century. And there is no end in sight.

Yet, I am hopeful that one day, the strength of the human will can break down the finally legacy of the Cold War. I hope that in my lifetime I will see a people group, long divided over ideology and politics, reunite at last. I hope to see a stronghold of tyranny and oppression be replaced by rule of law and justice. It is long overdue that the wall that divides a people be torn down. And I hope it eventually will. But until that day comes...

Hear Our Cry

2009-10-01T20:28:00.002-04:00

there are times when words are not enough to capture the emotions of the heart.
despair. anger. shock. awe. ambivalence. helpless.
the list goes on. and on. and on.
until there is nothing left to say.
when the silence becomes so deafening.

Typhoon Ketsana (Ondoy). in Vietnam. in the Phillipines. Indonesia.

---

what is the body?
if one part suffers, all suffers with it.
we are blessed to be a blessing.
our inconvenience is their lifeline.
this is the body.
do something about it.

world vision. others.

Whirlwind

2009-09-24T21:15:00.003-04:00

I don't think I've ever been this busy in my life. I hope I don't burn out. And I hope I survive. But I'm excited. It's been a good start to the semester, and I'm hoping that that will continue.

Some have said that I've kind of fallen off the face of the earth. I apologize. It's like so hard to find time to just chat, talk on the phone, email, et. these days. Unbelievable, isn't it? So I decided that the least I could do to update people (the few that actually read this) is to update my blog.

My second (and hopefully, my final year) of graduate school is well underway. I'm taking a full course-load, and all the classes are very interesting. Nuclear North Korea needs no explanation. Political Risk Analysis is a class where I learn how to build political risk models. Intelligence and Foreign Policy is a class where I learn how intelligence is used to support foreign policy of a state. My classes are Tuesday through Thursdays from 8:10pm to 10:40pm. Needless to say, night classes are really tiring. I've also resumed taking Chinese class which is on Mondays from 6-9pm.

In addition, I'm interning full-time at a think tank called the Korea Economic Institute. It has been a worthwhile experience, learning new things (sometimes more than I actually learn from school) about international economy, North Korea, U.S.-Korean relations, Northeast Asian affairs, etc. I get to meet a lot of important people including former assistant Secretary of States and other officials in previous administrations. So that's been really cool, but very tiring since I work 9-5 everyday.

I've also been looking for jobs more intently, since many of the jobs I'm interested in require security clearance that can take up to a year. I've applied to or am in the process of applying to several fellowships including the PMF that would be awesome if I got. But I'm not putting all my eggs in that basket, and so I scour usajobs.gov for federal jobs and other sources. It's been discouraging at times when all these jobs require so much experience in the field. But I believe God will provide the right job at the right time. Just gotta hold onto faith.

So, my day-to-day schedule is packed. Sleep and even eating regularly have become a luxury. I try to squeeze in a Michigan game and a pro-football game in the weekends, but doesn't always happen. To make things "worse," this schedule will continue next semester because I was informed that I got another internship next semester at the Dept. of State. And next semester, I have to write my thesis. I'm really excited about what God has graciously given me, but I'm also terrified that I'll burn out by the end of the year.

I've also begun checking out a new church plant in the city. I had been going to Open Door Presbyterian Church (which is in suburban Virginia) for the past year, but one of the pastors left to plant a church in downtown DC. I really liked the pastor when he was at ODPC, and I began wanting to go to a church closer to the city so that I could reach out to friends who live in DC and bring them out to church. They do church planting differently than HMCC (the only frame of reference I have when it comes to church planting). If you want to know specifically how they do it here, email me and I can share with you. I'm still undecided if I'm going to stick with the church plant, and I signed up for a small group at my previous church (it's definitely awesome and encouraging to be a part of it). So we'll see what happens.

This was a long long update, and for those of you who've lasted this far, I applaud you. If you haven't reached this point, then you are not my friend. Just kidding.

Shoot me an email, a phone call, or gchat. I'd love to keep in touch with all of you, my dear friends. =)

Laura Ling and Euna Lee

2009-09-02T12:54:00.001-04:00

In today's Los Angeles Times, Laura Ling and Euna Lee give their personal account of their abduction, imprisonment, and release by the North Korean regime. What they attempted to do by going to China-North Korea border was brave. Along with the two reporters, I also share the importance of shedding the truth about the plight of North Korean refugees. But while I do share in their passion, I also question the implications of the outcome of their plight. I'm not saying that they deserved the ten years of hard labor. But something about their story doesn't sit well with me.

Journalism, like in many professions, is a competitive world where everyone is trying to get an exclusive story to get a comparative advantage. That's the nature of the business. Ms. Ling and Ms. Lee were caught up in this business, knowing the risks of traveling to the border. But in their cost-benefit analysis, they figured doing this story was worth the risk. That's what journalists do to produce quality works of journalism.

But in the process of their reporting, they got caught. Caught for what? To westerners, they were merely doing their journalistic duties of exposing the truth. But to the North Korean regime, they were engaging in "hostile acts." One must understand that for the North Korean regime, its political legitimacy stems from its ultra-nationalistic sentiment against "imperialists" who threaten its very existence. The term "human rights" is nonexistent in the North Korean vocabulary, and the regime views those who illegally cross into China as traitors and subversive elements. So in this context, a reporting of North Korean refugees could be interpreted by North Korea as a hostile act, an act to undermine Kim Jong Il's government (which for us is ridiculous and laughable). In their drive to report on a story they were passionate about, they badly miscalculated the political realities of the region and put themselves in danger. They also admitted entering North Korea illegally. It was their wisdom to ignore the laws and endanger themselves. Whether North Korean guards captured them in China is a secondary issue.

What is more, their arrest and subsequent release has endangered human rights activists in Northeast China, forcing many church leaders involved in the North Korean refugee issue to temporarily cease activities along the border. And I think this is the part about this entire crisis that bothers me. For the past two decades, Christian missionaries, human rights activists, and others have been tirelessly working on behalf of these North Korean refugees. Many have paid dearly with their lives. Many more continue to work unafraid. Then come along two American reporters whose adventure puts all their work in peril. It's unfortunate.

At the end of the day, not many remember what the original intent of these two reporters were. All that people remember is the fact that they got caught and sentenced to ten years of hard labor until former President Bill Clinton negotiated for their release. So what exactly did their trip accomplish except making US-North Korean tensions worse and life harder for aid workers along the China-North Korea border? And I'm supposed to be so sympathetic to these reporters? I'm not so sure I can do that.

I'm thrilled they've returned safely to their families. But something about the LA Times piece appears to be an attempt to exonerate themselves amidst criticisms from many South Korean church leaders and human rights activists whose lives are heavily invested in this kind of work, unlike Ms. Lee or Ms. Ling. Sometimes, passion and idealism can have unintended consequences that could be detrimental.

Exactly One Year

2009-08-04T17:00:00.001-04:00

One year.

One year ago, I was packing eight years of my life into a single mid-size sedan and driving hundreds of miles to a brand new city to start a brand life.

One year ago, I was bidding farewell to people that became like family.

One year ago, I was starry-eyed, arriving in the nation's capital with all these dreams and expectations.

A lot has changed in that one year. Nothing has changed either. I am a living a new life consisting of attending classes, writing papers, networking, and finding a new community. Yet I am also reminded that I am still the same sinner saved by grace alone.

I would like to think one year has changed me into a more complete, more mature, more wise, more confident, more diligent, more holy, more loving, more forgiving, more sacrificial person. I would like to think that I have everything figured out: what I'll be studying; what I'll be doing next year, in five years, in ten, in fifty; who I'll be spending the rest of my life with; how God will use me in His divine purposes. But I am not sure if I have changed and not sure what the future holds in store for me. I am still like a child, full of flaws and faults, holding the hands of a loving father, trusting that he knows where I need to go.

It has been a trying and difficult year in some aspects. It also also been exciting and thrilling in others. I am thankful for all the experiences, bumps and bruises included. There have been times my soul has cried out in anguish, and I've pleaded for God to remove the thorns. There have also been times when grace never seemed so amazing, and my eyes melted into tears of joy.

I have probably failed God more times than I have pleased Him. I have probably done things that I should not have and did not do things that I should have.

But God has reminded me on a daily basis that I am still a work in progress. I will stumble and fall many more times. I will disappoint and be disappointed many more times. And all the mistakes I have made, am making, and will make will be redeemed somehow in some time that God would so choose.

MJ Mania

2009-07-08T13:58:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, the so-called "King of Pop" was eulogized at a memorial service in downtown Los Angeles. While watching the live feed of the memorial service at work, I could not help but find amusement in what turned out to be a media circus instead of a real memorial. For the record, I admire his artistic genius, the way his music inspired others, and the way he gave attention to social needs around the world.

I find it so ironic that millions of "fans" around the world were crying at the loss of their musical "hero" when just a few years ago, none of them would have gone out in public to defend and support him during his several legal troubles involving child molestation. Where were these so called fans who were seen on television weeping and lamenting when Michael Jackson pulled one of his many strange antics in recent memory?

And then at the memorial service, there were a few things that stood out to me. What right did Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson have in speaking at MJ's service other than the fact that they played basketball in the same city where MJ lived? And what the heck was Magic talking about when he claimed MJ made him a better point guard?

Of course Al Sharpton had another one of his moments when he elevated MJ's contribution to the civil rights movement on par with or surpassing that of Martin Luther King Jr's. And he proceeded to say that "there was nothing wrong with Michael Jackson" and turned a memorial service into a rant about racism.

Then there was the price tag on this entire show: $3.5 million. And who would fit that bill? Why, no other than the near bankrupt City of Los Angeles. Nevermind the city closed down a 6-lane freeway just to transport MJ's hearst. After all, it isn't like LA suffers from the worst traffic congestion in the US...(that was sarcasm if you didn't get it). At a time when LA and the state of California faces one of its worse budget crisis that threatens to shut down the government, at a time when jobs such as police officers and teachers are being shed so quickly, the thoughtful family sends a $3.5 million dollar bill to city officials (again, sarcasm). The argument that such a large public event will produce a net economic gain for the city is misplaced since statistical economic analysis of large sporting events have marginal economic benefits. But that is besides the point.

And then the media coverage has been laughable. Is it really "breaking news" that Paris, MJ's daughter, said he was the best father imaginable? Is that what journalism has come down to? At a time when hundreds are dying in the worst ethnic fighting in recent memory in China, when genocide continues to happen in Darfur, when Iran's political situation is still illegitimate, Paris's remarks is what CNN calls breaking news?

At the end of the day, I'm sick of all these "fans" worshipping MJ as if he were God incarnate, without blemish. It was mortifying hearing Al Sharpton tell a revisionist version of MJ's life, that his kids had nothing to be ashamed of regarding their father. Regardless if MJ wasn't convicted of any of the child molestation charges (note: multiple allegations), you cannot possibly say that he's completely innocent when he reached a $20 million settlement with one of his allegers. If you're innocent, why cut a deal with the accuser? Then there's the baby dangling issue, his multiple facial reconstruction and skin issue, his mismanagement of his finances leading to enormous debt, and the list goes on. Yes kids, you have nothing to be ashamed of...just like every child in this world has a perfect dad (again, sarcasm).

Yes, yesterday was a memorial service, and in memorial services, its important for the family and friends to bring closure to the loss of a loved one. And I respect that. I do not argue that it must have been emotionally difficult for the family, especially the children. But to make a memorial into some political, revisionist, and often inappropriate charade (note the horrible performance by Mariah Carey, who wore a rather overwhelming outfit that exposed just a bit too much of herself) was more humorous than anything else.

The world lost an iconic entertainer for sure. But let's not make him out into a saint in the midst of the mania that has somehow swept across the world.

Separatism and Missions

2009-07-06T23:03:00.005-04:00

As the struggle for Iran's political future continues, albeit largely overshadowed by the media's saturated coverage of Michael Jackson's death, there's another struggle that is bursting at the seams of another authoritarian government. In Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region, the Uyghur minorities are taking to the streets in Urumqi and Kashgar to voice their displeasure against the communist government. Theirs is a long and tense history fueled by racism and brutality from both sides. In order to keep stability at all costs, the Chinese government has pulled all the stops by turning off the internet and social networking tools and clamping down on the riots that have already claimed hundreds of lives according to official count.

Media coverage of this new rebellion is hardly as colorful as the Iranian struggle and even the "saffron revolution" in Burma in 2007. Is it because all Uyghurs have been generally portrayed as separatists and terrorists according to China, the United States, and the European Union? Perhaps. But whatever the reason for the limited media coverage on this issue, this recent spade of violence in Xinjiang saddens me on a personal level.

It was only two summers ago that I walked the very streets where blood has been shed these past few days. In the Uyghur sections of Urumqi and Kashgar, my team and I snapped photos, talked with locals, and even shared the gospel of Jesus Christ. The smell of fresh naan and lamb meat is still freshly vivid as is the signs of decay in the shanties. Children played with plastic bottles in lieu of toys, unemployed men loitered around the local mosques, and women covered from head to toe walked down the streets. The people I talked to voiced their displeasure of Americans and of the Han Chinese. They talked about their grievances--of lack of economic opportunities, of limited freedom to worship, of exploitation, of secondary social status, etc. They talked about George Bush and how his wars have only exacerbated their conditions.

These were the people we lived with for three weeks. These people, most of whom had never heard of Jesus Christ, were the ones that God called a team of eleven college and young adults to preach the good news to. These people, whom we had previously never knew existed, would open our eyes to a new world and teach us how much God so loves his people.

But as the state clamps down on these very people we reached out, I often find myself having a very pessimistic view of the situation. The missionary that we worked with in Urumqi had said that one of the main obstacles for Uyghurs to put their trust in God is that there is no viable indigenous churches in Xinjiang. And to make matters worse, the burgeoning underground church movement in China has largely skipped ethnic minorities, especially in the western part of China due to the long and complicated history between the Han majority and their ethnic minority peers. And if race relations between the Hans and Uyghurs continues to escalate into violence, how will the gospel penetrate into this lost people group?

But at the end of the day, I'm reminded that God is the one in charge, not me. My pessimist view on reality is dwarfed by the way God can work in impossible situations. Even in such a tense climate, I'm challenged to have faith that God is at work even when we cannot see it. It just reminds me that I need to be more dilligent in praying for the people that I met and for a local church to grow and reach the lost.

Cost of Freedom

2009-06-23T11:05:00.001-04:00

A few nights ago, I tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. Halfway across the world, my peers were standing up against a political establishment, itself, established from popular uprising three decades ago. As I lay in bed that night, I thought about the parallel lives that these young and courageous Iranians were living. Risking imprisonment and even death, they took to the streets in the biggest sign of uprising in the thirty-year history of the current Iranian theocracy. Moussavi, himself, has indicated that he would accept martyrdom in the pursuit of greater freedom.

I often take the freedom that I enjoy for granted. For all its flaws, the American political experiment has survived the test of time, insurrections, wars, and other external/internal factors. It enumerates freedoms that I, as a citizen, am entitled to, and the justice system is, in theory, out to ensure due process of law. I am able to freely express myself, among other things, and anticipate my voice to be heard. I have economic opportunities with the possibility of upward social mobility. I don't fear the state's security apparatus barging into my apartment and dragging me off to prison on trumped up charges. I have the ability to gather in public rallies and demonstrations. I can move around the country and the world without government approval. The benefits of living in an open society can go on and on.

Like many outside of Iran, I've been glued to the television and the internet, watching and reading the most current news coming from Iran. I was particularly moved when it was reported that protesters addressed the issue of government crackdown on public rallies. They said that a million lives lost for greater democracy would be worth it for the forty-some million other Iranians and subsequent generations. This is the cost of freedom. Generations before have all paid their dues, many with their own dear lives. In America and in the rest of the world, brave men and women, often students, have shouldered the call to have their voices heard.

Hopefully, future Iranians and global citizens will look to July 2009 as another watershed moment in the pursuit of greater freedoms.

Twenty Years Later

2009-06-17T13:10:00.004-04:00

On June 4, 1989, tanks rolled into Tiananmen Square and the army fired on its own people. The world watched in horror as China brutally suppressed any signs of open rebellion to cement its political legitimacy.

20 years later, there are rampant fears that history will repeat itself in another area of the world. Days have passed since the apparently fraudulent presidential election was complete, and the streets of Tehran continue to be hotbeds of political dissent as demands for legitimate democracy are heard with no end in sight. Analysts expect the situation to only worsen. And many anticipate that it is only a matter of time before the tanks coming rolling down in Tehran.

If Iran experiences its own Tiananmen Square incident, what will happen next? Will it lead to the broader mobilization of revoluationary activity? Or will it effectively quell any future prospects of democratization?

I'm no expert on Middle Eastern affairs, but something about this is captivating. I've been swept up in the revolutionary spirit. Although I cannot imagine what these brave men and women in Tehran are facing, I embrace the principles they stand for and am there in spirit with them. In a speech, former President George W. Bush once said, Everywhere that freedom arrives, humanity rejoices; and everywhere that freedom stirs,let tyrants fear." So in that spirit, let Ahmadinejad and Ayatollah Khamenei fear. And let the seed of democracy runneth over into other tyrannical regimes in Sudan, North Korea, Burma, China, Zimbabwe, and others.

Let freedom ring.

pictures courtesy of Boston.com.

death to the dictator

2009-06-16T09:49:00.003-04:00

The world holds its breath as Iran's future holds in the balance. The streets of Tehran are colored in green, the color of Iran's newest revolution, a revolution built upon the promise of real democracy.

The voices of the people can no longer be suppressed. The will of the people can no longer be denied. Death to the dictator!

For photos, click here.

Hodge Podge of News

2009-06-09T13:34:00.003-04:00

It's becoming a busier summer than I had originally anticipated. Work at school has been crazy busy these past few weeks as I coordinate this US-Korea event the day before the South Korean president meets with President Obama. On top of that, I've been reading like crazy for my internship. And then I'm traveling almost every weekend in June. It's been hard to find any meaningful me-time, when I can just relax and recharge. But in the end, this is the road I chose to take. It is what it is. I cannot complain.

There's been a lot of world news that is of interest. North Korea has an heir apparent. It also exploded another nuclear device and fired short range missiles into the Sea of Japan. It put two U.S. reporters on trial for trumped up charges and sentenced them to 12 years in a forced labor camp. South Korea joined the U.S.-led Proliferation Security Initiative in response to North Korea's provocative acts. Its former president committed suicide by jumping off a cliff. It enacted economic sanctions on North Korean companies. China and Russia are apparently showing signs of frustration with North Korea. China stepped up its censorship efforts leading up to the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square incident.

Elsewhere around the world, Pres. Obama delivered a conciliatory speech to the Arab-Muslim population in Cairo that was received with "cautious optimism." That speech is partially credited with the success of the U.S.-backed political coalition in yesterday's Lebanese parliamentary elections which denied the Shiite Hizbollah from increasing in power. That election could foreshadow the results of another Middle East election coming up on Friday in Iran. In Pakistan, there are signs that locals are fed up with Taliban incursion with local militia fighting Taliban forces in the tribal areas. An Air France flight fell off the radar and into the Atlantic Ocean, presumably killing everyone on board.

All in all, there is no shortage of interesting events going on around the world. We live in challenging but exciting times. I'm cautiously looking forward to Iran's presidential elections that pits the incumbent Ahmadinejad against three other moderates in a seemingly tight race. If Mousavi, the main oppositional leader, can win, it would truly be a promising sign of improving relations in the Middle East and hopes that extremism will continue to wane. But we shall see.

Marriage and Men

2009-05-26T23:49:00.000-04:00

In the past three weeks, I've been to two weddings; in the past three months, I've been to three. In the next month, I'll have gone to two more; in the next four months, I'll have gone to three. In the span of eight months, I'll have attended six weddings and missed out on several more. It is the season of mass weddings, and though it is taking a toll on my already limited budget, I couldn't be happier for my friends who have tied or are tying the knot.

All these weddings have obviously got me thinking about my own status. Though I do wish I could at least be in a relationship, I am thoroughly content in my singleness in my current state. I've got enough immediate concerns with graduate school; but then again, if God were to make it abundantly clear to be in a relationship, so be it; I'd embrace that additional responsibility in a heartbeat for sure.

With that thought and fresh from Dave and Sarah's wedding this past weekend, I listened to a powerful and convicting sermon dealing about relationships/marriage given by none other than Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church out in Seattle. I'm telling you, the man is anointed. He spoke about how men in the church fall into two extreme camps: chauvinism or cowardice. Falling into either of these categories distorts the institution of marriage, and at the end of the day, the fault lies with the men. The sermon wasn't necessarily a new topic, but God used it powerfully to speak to me about my flaws as a man and how much more I need to grow in my character before I'm called to be responsible for another person in my life.

One thing that I've heard him often say is guys tend to think that marriages will make them men, and he rips that philosophy apart. I have to agree with him. As I'm learning what it means to be a man of God, it starts with taking responsibility for my own life. It starts with spending time with God daily. It starts with loving my neighbors as myself. It starts with basic responsbilities like getting a job, cleaning after myself, being organized. How could I expect to take responsibility for another person when I'm having trouble taking care of my own affairs?

I vouch for men like Dave, Moses, and Paul. I respect men like Pastor Jimmy, Yohan, and Davis. They, among others, are good men, striving to be like Christ. I believe God will bless their marriages abundantly as they love their wives as Christ loved the Church. I'm excited for them, and I hope that God would continue to grow me so I can be with someone who I will lay my life down for as Christ gave up His life for the Church. But until then, I will work on the plethora of flaws I find in myself (not including the many others that other people may find in me).

Cool to be a Nerd

2009-05-20T16:07:00.001-04:00

Let's get the facts straight. I'm a nerd--not a dork and not a geek. There's a huge difference among the three terms. What that is, I cannot tell you. But there is a difference. I promise. And I am a bonafide nerd. I swear being a nerd is better for the social status than being a dork or a geek. I stand by that.

I wear this badge with honor. Coming to the nation's capital, I've quickly learned that the coolest people in this part of the country are the nerds. The talking heads on cable news, the so-called experts of their fields, the ones with a billion letters after their names; the bookworms who devour obscure journals for lunch; these are the cool kids on the block. It's a weird thing in actuality. In most places the cool cats are the ones who are fashionable, who are rich, who are fun, etc. But not here. And I want in on this club.

Being in graduate school forces one to be a nerd. That is my opinion. I should run a statistical analysis to confirm this hypothesis. On second thought, I barely got through stats this semester, so maybe I shouldn't. But in any case, reading hundreds of pages of scholarly articles and books a week for class and research papers make it pretty easy for one to become a nerd.

I wonder if I'll ever get to the level where news reporters, industry leaders, world leaders, community leaders, and others will come to me for advice on a matter I would specialize in. Not that that would be a specific goal of mine. But it would certainly be cool, no? Okay maybe not.

In any case, I love what I'm studying. If I can get paid like a real salary on which I could live off comfortably, I wouldn't mind being a student for life. I could sure live with becoming an expert on North Korea, an expert on nuclear proliferation, an expert on counterterrorism, an expert on human rights, etc. I have one more year, two more semesters with my program. Then it will be on to bigger and greater things, or so I'm told. Choices will lie before me. And I want to take the proverbial road less taken, the road of becoming a real life nerd in Washington D.C., a road full of white men in their suits walking around downtown looking all important. Okay maybe it's not the road less taken according to the standards of Washington D.C.

But regardless, I like being a nerd. I don't care what people say. It's cool to be a nerd in my book.

The Soul-less World of Politics

2009-05-15T17:20:00.002-04:00

It seems as if politicians these days have no integrity, no soul. The political pandering to interest groups never gets old, and promises of government transparencies are being found hard to keep. Voters are regarded as fools for believing messages of change, while elected officials on both sides of the aisle keep posturing to do whatever they can to keep their seats in the Senate and the House.

One GOP senator jumps ship, citing ideological differences with the more conservative elements of the Republican Party. But in a state that is increasingly becoming more Democratic, was it just mere coincidence that Senator Arlen Specter switched affiliation to the Democratic Party with his re-election season coming up?

The man who said that we can, and promised a new wave of transparency in the government, has recently upset his friends to the left when he decided this week to prevent the release of photos from Abu Ghraib. What happened to transparency, Mr. President? Keeping electoral promises isn't so easy now, is it? And now today, the White House confirmed that the US would continue to employ former President Bush's controversial military commission to prosecute detainees in Gitmo. That sure does look like change to me. Yes, we can.

And then there is the first madam speaker of the House of Representative from California. Nancy Pelosi, the vocal critic of the Bush administration, finds herself in a bit of a sticky situation. The madam speaker is adored by those on the left for her outspoken objection to the use of torture during the Bush administration. I sincerely applaud her stance on that. But you see, Ms. Pelosi forgot to mention that in 2003, she, along with other House Intelligence Committee members, were briefed by the CIA on its interrogation methods during the war on terror. Today, she disputed CIA records that listed 40 briefs that the committee received from the intelligence agency in which members of the committee were allegedly told the use of waterboarding during interrogation. A record of 40 briefings in which she was told that the CIA was torturing detainees in 2003, and she waits until 2007 to formally decry the CIA's methods of interrogation. Does Ms. Pelosi really think we're idiotic enough to actually believe her?

So in conclusion, politics is a soul-less world, void of any meaningful convictions and integrity. Flip-flopping around is the norm, and doing anything politically expedient is to be expected. But hey, at least in America, people like me who publicly criticize officials expect to live after wielding such criticisms unlike in other countries. I have that to be thankful for, right?

read more here and here and here and here.

Mid Point

2009-05-07T13:42:00.001-04:00

It is over.

Eating at odd hours, often at fast food joints; sleeping at the crack of dawn, only to wake up a few hours later; writing and rewriting, always dissatisfied with my efforts; breathing to survive, rather than to enjoy life as it was meant to be enjoyed. The shining sun never seemed more gloomy than those days, holed up in a room of like-minded peers with the ferocious click-clacks of keyboards drowning out the laughs and shouts of frolickers on campus. But it was what it was. And it is now finished.

Nuclear proliferation. North Korea. WMD threats. Insurgency. Counterinsurgency. Al Qaeda. Iraq. Taliban. Muslim Brotherhood. Al-Gama'a al-Islamiyya. Egypt. Xinjiang. Uyghur extremists. Human trafficking. Multivariate regression analysis. Statistics. All interesting topics, some more than others. But I'm ready to move on.

President Obama's inauguration. John Kim-Dave Lee joint-bachelors party in the Poconos. US-Asia Institute Lunar New Year Reception. Paul & Gina's reception in Chicago via Ann Arbor. Spring Break to New York. US-Asia Institute's 30th Anniversary Gala at the United Nations. North Korean Freedom Week. Moses & Julie's wedding in Michigan along with Class of 2009 commencement. An eventful semester outside of school. I'm looking forward to more fun times in the future.

It's scary to think that it was only nine months ago when I was packing the last eight years of my life into my car and driving back to the east coast. Nothing could have prepared me for all the various experiences of the past year: all the struggles, all the crises, all the drama, all the joys, all the fun, all the times spent dreaming, all the steps taken towards making those dreams realities. I would have it no other way. I'm grateful.

Here's to the beginning of my final year in school. Surely there will be more challenges. But as the sun fights through the clouds to shine its light ever so brightly, I know I will need to fight through whatever obstacles lie in the future to do what God has called me to do. It's only the beginning of good things all around, and I'm excited.

Christians Endorsing Torture?

2009-04-30T21:30:00.004-04:00

A recent survey conducted by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life indicates that 54% of churchgoers (as defined as people who attend church at least once a week) says that torture is often or sometimes justified. Granted that the way the survey defines churchgoers don't distinguish between devout Christians and cultural Christians. But regardless, this is a startling statistic. This confirms that the bible-belt Republicans are more influenced by the likes of Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld than they are by the words and values of Christ.

I cannot possibly fathom how the use of torture can be justifiable by Christian doctrine. Throughout the New Testament, Christians are told to love our enemies, to pray for them, to bless them, to turn our cheeks when they turn to strike us. When Peter wields a dagger and cuts off the ear of one of the guards who came to arrest Jesus, Jesus rebukes Peter and heals the guard. This is the Jesus I see in the Bible, not the Jesus that the likes of Dick Cheney seem to see.

The likes of al Qaeda and Islamic extremists pose enormous threats to international security. Their tactics are savage and heinous. They should be tried for crimes against humanity. But these reasons do not justify any use of torture. I am extremely saddened that the president of the National Association of Evangelicals declined to comment on this. He should be the first person to oppose the use of torture.

I'm no theologian by any means. I have my faults and sins. I do not wish to judge the people in this statistical sample who advocated the use of torture. But I find it appalling that there are Christians who can somehow reconcile two ideologies that seem polar to each other. To read more, click here.

At the United Nations

2009-04-24T22:39:00.003-04:00

It started at 6am. Had to get out of the house by 6:40 at the latest in order to catch the bus to New York. I was paranoid that I wouldn't wake up on time, but somehow, I did. Got to the bus stop with ten minutes to spare. Most of the interns/volunteers had arrived. The last barely made it, and by 7:15, we were heading for an adventurous day.

A couple of my friends had been interning at an organization called the U.S.-Asia Institute, which was dedicated to bettering the relations between U.S. and Asian countries. For their 30th anniversary, they decided to throw a gala at the United Nations, where foreign representatives, U.S. congressmen, and other dignitaries would come to join in the celebration. Ambassador Richard Holbrooke and former Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao among others were being honored for the contribution to U.S.-Asia causes (unfortunately those two couldn't make it due to pressing needs). The event officially started at 6pm, with guests arriving at 5 for a tour of the UN building. The interns and volunteers would do anything and everything to make sure that the night went as perfectly as it could.

The moment we stepped on New York soil, we were running around. I have no idea how women wear high heels all day. Even before the event started, my feet were starting to hurt. I told one of the interns I was working with, and she gave me a dirty look. I learned my lesson. I shut up and did my job.

I was chosen to help take photos for the event. There were two other professional photographers they hired for press releases and whatnot. I have no idea why they needed me. But they asked, and so I obliged. It sure beat the mindless grunt work the rest of the interns and volunteers had to do during the event (one of the other interns also had it good; she followed the three photographers and made sure we knew who and what to take photos of). The entire night was a blur: lots of running around, snapping photos, trying to stir up conversations (the conversationalist that I am...), trying to make professional connections, and just enjoy my time at the United Nations. I got a free meal out of it, although the portion of filet mignon was a bit tiny.

All in all, I'm thankful that I got the opportunity to go and mingle. It also provided a chance to get to know my friends from class better as well as the other interns and volunteers. During the dinner portion of it, albeit a very short portion of the entire day, I got the chance to talk to some of them and hopefully be able to continue to develop friendships outside of once-in-a-blue-moon opportunities such as this. Networking has never been my forte, but I'm trying to get more and more comfortable in it--not just for professional advancement but also to meet new friends, especially those who share similar interests as me.

I would attach some photos with this entry, but alas, I did not bring my USB cord, and so photos will have to wait until I go back to Washington DC and after I am done with the semester.

CIA Memos

2009-04-19T16:30:00.004-04:00

This past week, Pres. Obama released four CIA memos during the Bush Administration that detailed the use of torture in interrogation. In the news cycle of Pres. Obama cozying up to Venezuelan president, Hugo Chavez, a vocal anti-Americanist, the release of CIA memos has seemingly gone under the radar. But as much as I try to give the benefit of the doubt to the new president, I cannot understand how he could have supported to reveal highly sensitive intelligence memos to the public in the midst of war.

I am vehemently opposed to the use of torture in any circumstance. The Geneva Convention is not outdated just because the world is threatened by non-state actors and terrorism fears. Supporters of Pres. Obama's decision to release these memos argue that the CIA tactics should never have been used in the first place and will never be used anymore; hence, the release of these memos expose no real national security threat. However, while I understand these techniques will never be employed, I believe these memos are highly classified information and its release serves no purpose except to mollify Pres. Obama's supporters who've become antsy in the president's lack of willingness to stray too far from the Bush Administration, especially the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. It was a politically expedient move that throws the CIA under the bus at a time when both wars hinge on the gathering and analyzing of human intellegence. Sure, the Obama administration has not called for prosecution of CIA agents, but nonetheless, idealistic decisions like this hampers the intelligence community from doing its job and protecting the nation's interest while emboldening terrorists abroad.

The honeymoon stage is over for President Obama. His first hundred days are coming to an end, and now he can no longer rely on the anti-Bushism to secure his legitimacy. He alone must own up to foreign policy decision like this and piracy in Somalia as well as domestic issues such as the economic crisis. And from the looks of his decisions of late, behind the charming and eloquent rhetoric of his speeches, he seems to be choosing to do whatever is politically expedient for his political legacy rather than the interest of the American people. The change that he promised during his campaign has not come in any shape or form, and Washington politics is business as usual (although I will praise Secretary of Defense Gates' proposal to completely revamp the military budget to scrap Cold-War era projects and shift military priorities towards emerging challenges in insurgency warfare, etc.). Its time to keep Pres. Obama accountable on his promise of bipartisanship and change.

The Great Love of Christ

2009-04-12T15:53:00.003-04:00

"Jesus loves us so much that He would rather go to hell for you than heaven without you."

Entering this semester, I had high hopes for God to do amazing things in my life. I wanted Him to teach me new things, to open my eyes to more of His vision for me, to lead me on new and exhilarating adventures, and the whole nine yards. What I didn't expect was to enter a dry spell. But that's exactly what happened. I'd go days without spending time with God. I'd go to church for the obligatory expectations of a good Christian. I'd attend small group to just hang out with people I'm still in the process of getting to know. The passion, the zeal, and the heart were simply not there. School has been overwhelming this semester. The demands of graduate studies kept me occupied with the need to always be reading about nuclear weapons, terrorism, insurgencies, statistical analysis, etc. And in the midst of all that, the desire for God waned and waned.

In the days leading up to Good Friday, I sat on my bed, popped open my study bible, eager to reconnect with God once again. It had been awhile, and somehow I had managed the time to get away from my books to focus on God. I read all four Gospel accounts of the final days of Christ, leading up to the time Jesus prays in the garden of Gethsemane. The words of Christ to Peter, John, and Andrew took on new meaning for me that night. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." As I began praying, I began falling asleep. Two hours later, I woke up and realized that I had fallen asleep while praying and reflecting. This was the condition of my heart. I was weak. I was weary.

During Good Friday service, the pastor preached on this very account, Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. Without going into depth, the one thing that he said that has stayed with me is this: Jesus loved us so much that he would rather go to hell for you than heaven without you. Bearing the entire wrath of God, He took the shame of the world and became sin for us. I don't know why but after that night, it felt like a weight was taken off my shoulder, and I could worship God freely again.

It's only been two days since, but I have regained the hope and expectancy I entered the year with. I know I'll falter and fail, but I also know that I have a great God who will pick me back up and push me forward again and again. Praise God for His great love.

White House Liaison to Hollywood?

2009-04-08T14:21:00.003-04:00

If you haven't heard by now, Kal Penn, the actor who most notably played Kumar in the Harold and Kumar movies, is now on the government payroll as the White House Liaison to Hollywood. His official title in the Obama administration is "Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Liaison" and will be responsible for outreach efforts to Hollywood, arts group, and the Asian-American Pacific Islander groups. Does anyone else think that this is a waste of taxpayer money? And even if there were even a remote need for a position like this, the Obama administration could not find another more qualified person for the job?

For starters, I don't see why Hollywood needs any additional representation in society and politics. Actors, directors, producers, and other players in the business have ties to enormously strong political lobbies, most of which are on the liberal spectrum. What more outreach is needed to this already hugely influential bloc of society? Then there's the question of the Asian-American Pacific Islander matter. How is it that a person who is responsible for outreach to arts groups also responsible for outreach to an ethnic group? I don't understand how the arts and Asian-Americans are related in any fashion.

For all I know, this may prove to be a great move by the Obama administration and Penn can do influential things during his tenure in the White House. But I have my huge doubts that this is yet another example of the Obama administration's growth of bureaucracy in the federal government and wasteful spending. Even if there were some good things to come out of this (I can't imagine what that may be...), I don't think the benefits outweigh the costs, especially when Pres. Obama is tackling a bajillion number of issues already.

But enough ranting about useless political banter. Baseball season is upon us, and school is three weeks away from being over. Let the good times roll.

Michigan

2009-04-07T14:14:00.001-04:00

It seems there isn't much to be elated about in Michigan. The economy is seriously tanking with unemployment easily exceeding 10%. The Big 3 auto companies continue to be in dire situations as the global recession continues to affect car sales. Then there's the politics in the state, stained by decades of corrupt and scandal-ridden public officials--most notably, Kwame Kilpatrick. How Governor Granholm served on the board of economic advisers to Pres. Obama during his campaign was beyond me given that under her helm the economy has soured all the more.

With all those woes adding to the burden of all Michiganders comes the hardship of Michigan sports. Let's not even talk about the Detroit Lions with their winless season and decades of futility. The Detroit Tigers had one magical fluke season a few years ago after decades of mediocrity. Now they find themselves near the bottom of their weak division trying to attempt another improbable season. The Detroit Pistons, I will admit, had a good run in this decade, with smart cost-cutting moves and emphasis on team play. However, that run is on its last legs, and unless Joe Dumars is a magician of sorts, it would seem the Pistons would need to undergo a painful season of rebuilding. Detroit natives will argue that the Detroit Red Wings are the premier team in the NHL, but I would counter by saying that hockey has always had a limited national audience and it is close to be irrelevant outside the northern states.

College sports have not treated Michigan that well these days either. My alma mater, the University of Michigan, won its last national championship in college football in 1997. The last decade has been marked with high expectations and disappointing results in major bowl games under Lloyd Carr. The jury is out on the Rich Rod era (although I do have high hopes as he begins to get the type of players who'll buy into his offense), but last season, U-M suffered through its ugliest season in its storied program. U-M's basketball program deteriorated since the Fab Five era, suffering under the mediocrity of Tommy Amaker. However, there is hope with the Jon Beilein era, with the Wolverines getting their first invitation to the NCAA tournament since 1998 this year and even beat Clemson in the first round before bowing out to Oklahoma. Hope does exist. I believe. Then there's Michigan State. Their football program has always been inferior to U-M's, and despite their relative success last year, it is laughable to think their program can vault into the upper echelon of college football programs. The only thing Michigan State has going for them is its basketball program under Tom Izzo. Its last national championship in 2000 under Izzo and Mauteen Cleeves.

So with all this being said, it was funny to hear people talk about Michigan State's destiny to win another national championship at Ford Field last night against North Carolina. They had to win it as a source of encouragement for all of Michigan, to have something that Michiganders could have pride in. But to the entire state's dismay, the heavily-favored Tar Heels put a licking on the Spartans. I particularly enjoyed, I will not lie. I have no real Michigan loyalties (aside from my alma mater). In fact, I loathe all Michigan sports except for the Wolverines...but especially Michigan State. I couldn't understand how U-M alums and fans were supporting MSU. That's like sleeping with the enemy (figuratively). Besides, I've been a Carolina fan all my life. But watching the game reinforced the fact that it must really suck to be a Michigander these days. I am sorry for all you Michiganders. Hopefully, sometime in the future, things will pick up for you once again.

Trafficking of Children

2009-04-04T13:25:00.003-04:00

It's hard to imagine what it would feel like as a parent to have my child abducted. It's harder to imagine what it would feel like to know he/she would be sold to a trafficker.

I came across this article in the New York Times as I was doing some research for a paper that I'm writing for a class. There are simply no words that can express the sorrow and anger I feel.

We're taught, especially in higher institutions of learning, that humans are intrinsically good and that evil exists because of corruption in society. But I don't buy it. How can one justify the essence of humanity's goodness when millions of people are involved in the trafficking of kids?

And what is more saddening is that there are not nearly enough people who care about this. Too busy worrying over the 401k and job security in this economic crisis. Are we that self-absorbed that we tolerate selling of children into brothels, into warfare, and into other abhorrent places?

Sadly, I think we are.

World Baseball Classic

2009-03-24T15:55:00.001-04:00

Last night was the championship game of the World Baseball Classic (WBC). The inaugural WBC was played in 2006, with Japan beat Cuba in the finals by the score of 10-6. Three years later, with the WBC garnering more international interest, the championship game pitted Korea against the defending champions and bitter archrivals, Japan. Under the lights of Dodgers Stadium in Los Angeles, the game certainly did not disappoint fans of all stripes. It was a thrilling extra-inning affair, with Japan coming out on top 5-3, much to the agony of Korean fans all over the world.

People suggest that I have an identity crisis. Having lived in the United States for all but three years of my life, I am automatically assumed to have my loyalties towards America in all things. But that hasn't always been the case. Often times in international competitions such as the Olympics and the World Cup, my allegiance has usually gone to the place where I was born. And people question how I can do that when realistically speaking, I have far more connections with America than I do with Korea. To them, the only answer I have is that I don't know. All I know is that for some reason, I have a deep sense of nationalism towards Korea, and I don't perceive this to die down anytime.

This morning, I was asked by a non-Korean friend why Korea-Japan rivalry is such an emotional affair. One word: nationalism. It is very much like the Yankees-Red Sox, Michigan-Ohio State, Lakers-Celtics, and North Carolina-Duke rivalries in American sports. The only thing is that this is exponentially more intense because there's political, historical, and social components to the Korea-Japan rivalry that doesn't exist in a domestic sports rivalry. For many Koreans and first generation Korean-Americans, emotions can run high when it comes to anything related to Japan, as Japan raises memories and stories of atrocities committed by Japan during its colonization of Korea from 1910-1945. Such resentment towards Japan continues to be fueld by modern political developments such as the Dokdo/Takeshima island dispute, visits to the Yasukuni War Shrine by Japanese leaders, and Japanese revisionist history textbooks.

I understand that from an American perspective, it can look highly irrational and even annoying that a small country with under 50 million people goes crazy every time there's some international competition. But with such sporting events is the power of the "rally-around-the-flag effect." For a country whose people have felt betrayed by the world since 1895, lived under three decades of brutal Japanese colonialism, and bordered by a menacing nuclear threat, Korea's "rally-around-the-flag effect" includes the performances of its athletes in the world's greatest stages as well as high profile Koreans breaking glass ceilings in academia, American politics, international politics, and so on and so forth. To put it very bluntly, this, I don't think, can ever be truly understood by an American in a world dominated by the United States.

With this being said, it is no surprise that Dodgers Stadium was filled with tens of thousands of Koreans with their Thunderstix screaming "Dae Han Min Gook" for four hours straight. And even though I have two papers due this week, I rushed home from the library to watch this epic game on my couch and unable to hide my anxiety throughout the game. And even despite the loss, I am still proud of the team for reaching the finals and showing the world that Korean baseball has arrived in the big stage. And even though they did not win, I'm still going to buy this.

Two Sides

2009-03-05T02:50:00.004-05:00

There are two sides to every story.

Today, the International Criminal Court issued an arrest warrant for the president of Sudan, Omar Hassan al-Bashir. It represents the first arrest warrant for a sitting leader of a country. Many have heralded the move as a great thing because of the crimes against humanity that al-Bashir is accused of in Darfur. It could set a precedent to other dictators and perpetrators of mass injustice against their own citizens.

But I am not necessarily celebrating like many others are. Why? It is not because I believe al-Bashir is innocent. By all means, I think he is a ruthless dictator that embodies evil for the intentional slaughter of his own people in Darfur. So why am I not exuberant? It is because the ICC has no mechanism to forcibly arrest al-Bashir unless he were to step out of the country and be caught by international forces. The arrest warrant is simply a powerless political tool to convey a message without teeth to enforce it. However, it gets worse. The arrest warrant has provoked al-Bashir to action; he has kicked out humanitarian NGOs that provided a bulk of the administration of humanitarian aid to the Sudanese in retaliation against his perceived adversaries. So while the issuance of an arrest warrant is a great symbollic gesture, it has led to a negative side effect of kicking out organizations helping the needy in Sudan, making the humanitarian situation in Sudan even worse than before.

This is one of the fundamental problems of international human rights advocacy. States have limited power to affect another state's human rights record without considering military actions, which most states will never consider for a humanitarian need after the U.S. debacle in Somalia in 1993. I do not mean to rain on the idealists and champions of human rights all over the world. I do wish, alongside them, that human rights will be promoted from the gulags of North Korea to the plains of Darfur. But the more I study, the more I'm beginning to see that change must come from people's convictions and not governments' actions. It is the concept of the power of one person that will tidal wave into a movement to create external (and sometimes internal) change. It is by no means easy, and often does demand blood,sweat, and tears (and very much likely sacrifice of lives in the case of repressive governments like al-Bashir's). But I'm convinced that the will of the people will triumph and grassroots movements is the only viable means to see that systematic genocide will cease to be a state's political goal.

Friends

2009-03-03T23:47:00.003-05:00

This past weekend was Paul and Gina's "wedding" in Chicago. It's always awesome to see two friends come together and be able to celebrate their joyous occasion. It was also great to reconnect with old friends again, especially some whom I have not seen in quite awhile. Even though there was not enough hours in a day to catch up with all of them, it felt great to see familiar faces again.

On the way home, I realized how special these friends were. I remember coming to college thinking that my high school friends would be the people that I could lean on and call friends for the rest of my life. But years later, I can safely say that although I still cherish my high school friends, at least those that I've still kept in touch with, the friendships made in college are the ones that have lasted.

I'm not sure why I got really sentimental last night. It's not like it was the first time I've had reunions of sorts with some college friends since I've graduated and/or moved out of Ann Arbor. But for some reason, I really began to think about the friends I had made in college and how influential they've been in my young life. As I was talking to those friends that I only get to see at a big gathering of sorts, it's awesome to know that distance won't keep me apart from them. One of the things I'm learning is how much more valuable depth of friendship is to me than quantity of friends I have. Some friends have truly walked through the valleys with me, witnesses to God's continual redemption project. Some are relatively new friends, but equally as influential in my current state. Regardless, these are the brothers and sisters that I've come to appreciate--their hilarity, their rebukes, their prayers, their care, their concerns, and their company.

Even though my friends maybe all around the country and the world, they are still my friends whom I can trust. Though they are not perfect, they continually point me to the perfect one. That is all I can ask for.

Insurgency

2009-02-21T14:43:00.005-05:00

One of the classes I'm taking this semester is a class on insurgency. The overarching theme of the class is what factors contribute to the rise of insurgency movements--from the Jewish revolt against the Romans in the first century to the Iraqi insurgency in Fallujah--and what can be done to counter insurgency movements. It is a very fascinating class, and I'm glad I decided to take this class.

This past week (when I wasn't stressing over my nuclear proliferation paper that was due yesterday), I read one book and skimmed another that dealt the role economics plays in insurgency movements. It is generally accepted that insurgents gain momentum in places with abject poverty. I'm not convinced that abject poverty alone is the cause of all insurgency movements (there was a well-known study done by a University of Chicago professor who analyzed data of every terrorist activity in the past three decades and more than 75% of them were middle-class men). But I do believe there is an association between poverty and insurgency. One of the books (the one I read) talked about the "bottom billion" who have missed the boat of rapid globalization and are trapped in poverty that will be really hard for them to get out of without the assistance of the developed world and good governance. The other book (the one I skimmed) talked about how foreign aid doled out by the developed world is not doing much to solve the issue of poverty and is, in fact, perpetuating it in many regions of the world. If you are interested in international affairs, international development, public policy, human rights, etc., I strongly urge you to pick up either or both these books. Or if you have free time and want a good read, you should too.

That being said, this class has also given me the opportunity to research about a particular insurgency that I have personal attachment to. In 2007, I went on a summer trip to the western part of China, home of ethnic minority groups such as the Uyghers and Hui people groups. Previous to that trip, I had never heard of them, and so when I went, it was fascinating to learn about their culture and history (I admit it. I'm a nerd).The Uygher people have been the object of many oppressive policies throughout much of its history. They've been in the news in and out throughout the latter part of the 20th century, most notably by the atrocities committed against them by Mao and the Cultural Revolution. Independence movements have been ferocious at times, and now the region is considered to be a hotbed of rising terrorism, particularly troublesome with Afghanistan sharing part of its border. With the U.S.'s war on terror fully operational, the Chinese government saw that as a carte blanche to crack down on these so-called terrorists/separatists. There are many Uyghers being held in Guantanomo Bay as a result of the war on terror.

All this being said, reading up on material on the Uyghers and separatist movements in XinJiang has been making me nostalgic about that trip. I've talked to some friends I went with, and all the more, it makes me want to make another trip out there. But somehow, I don't think that'll be possible, at least not anytime soon. But in the end, I'm remembering to keep that people group in prayer, a people group lost without hope.

Kristof Essay

2009-02-16T11:13:00.003-05:00

Two years ago, Nicholas Kristof opened up a yearly opportunity for a student to go on a reporting trip with him to the developing world. Now that I am a student and therefore eligible, I decided to put my name in the running. I had to write a 700-word essay about why I would like to go on this trip.

I don't expect to win, of course (realistic expectations). But the self-inflicted grueling process of writing a 700-word essay was a good exercise in communicating why I'm here in Washington and doing what I'm doing. I'll be the first to admit that in the company of type A personalities who are driven by worldly ambitions, it's really hard to keep my intentions pure and holy. I catch myself chasing after the dreams of being significant and doing all these glorious things for myself rather than building the kingdom of God. This exercise helped ground me to some degree. I've decided to post it online to share with you. I went through nine drafts before I finally (primarily because I ran out of time) submitted this one to the New York Times. I'm not perfectly pleased with it (since when I am ever?), but it's good enough. Enjoy.

I’m usually not a talkative person, but I love telling stories. Whether in short prose, blogs, or other avenues, I want to tell stories that I find interesting. My creative writing professor taught me a lesson I’ll never forget: “Find your own voice. And find your own story to write.” With the help of The Times, I wish to tell more stories in my own voice—stories of struggle and triumph, stories of injustice and hope, stories to awaken the souls of the world to the cries of the voiceless. And more than my desires to tell a good story, it is my conviction to help others that fuels me to seek this opportunity.

This conviction to help those most in need took root during my last semester in college. Prior to then, I had been your run-of-the-mill, self-absorbed teenager who could care less about human suffering. But it was largely the writings of Nicholas Kristof that brought me out of my bubble and into a world where systematic injustice existed, even though I had lived through my share of economic inequality, racism, and xenophobia. Being immigrants, my parents worked more than twelve-hour shifts in laundromats and grocery stores to barely make ends meet. Growing up unable to speak English, I was spat upon and made fun of countless times in school. My own teachers called me by racial slurs. I thought I knew all there was about injustice—until I realized that I would never be sold into brothels like the women whom Mr. Kristof had interviewed for his articles dealing with sex-trafficking in Cambodia. It was then that the words of Edmund Burke echoed in my head: “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

I soon found myself on a plane to Cambodia, partnering with an organization to provide a means of livelihood to people whose own government labeled a lost cause. Many of them were stricken with leprosy and/or other diseases, and they were thrown out of society to fend for themselves. Even worse, their children rummaged through garbage to find food to eat and things to sell. As I watched in horror, I could no longer justify my indifference. I needed to do something.

The organization I worked with had built a school to provide free education for children in the area. I volunteered to teach and give them a childhood that I believed they deserved. Our team introduced them to games that we had grown up with—four corners, tag, jump-rope, and the likes. We wanted to enable their dreams and provide a safe environment, away from traffickers that were always lurching in the villages.

Three weeks later, I came back to America changed. I can’t completely say that I was no longer entirely self-absorbed and indifferent, but I wanted to find meaningful ways to get involved in making this world a better place.

Today, I am a graduate student studying international politics as it relates to injustices faced by children, the most vulnerable elements of society. Children actively fight grown men’s wars, labor in atrocious sweat-shops, and service tourists in brothels. More often than not, their plight has largely gone ignored and their stories have reached deaf ears. They are victims of the truest sense of the word, and I can no longer stand idle as they are taken advantage of.

I am no journalist. I am a student with a drive to keep learning. I am a political scientist who loves to capture stories. I am a human being who wants to make a difference. And I am not perfect. I am sure there are many others who are more qualified than I am. But what I lack in experience and ability, I bring relentless passion, deep-rooted conviction, and steadfast devotion. My out-of-the-box thinking, communication skills, and technical experiences, including photography and videography, will be an asset to your team. But most importantly, this trip will give me a unique experience of translating my interests in politics, writing, and humanitarian work into a lifelong commitment to combating injustice in the developing world as well as a medium to mobilize others to do the same.

25 Random Things

2009-02-04T01:18:00.000-05:00

To follow on the 25 random things about me trend on facebook, here goes my list:

1. The first memory I have is when I was around four years old. My dad chased away a would-be carjacker...with me in his arms. Oh and my dad couldn't speak English at the time.

2. I grew up in a predominantly Jewish and Italian neighborhood. Up until 5th grade, my childhood friends were Jewish, including one of my closest friends named Asaf. But I never went to a bar mitzvah because my parents didn't know what that was and didn't let me go.

3. I went through 2.5 years of ESL classes. I loved it at the time. Only later did I realize that my peers were making fun of me because I couldn't speak English (I didn't understand what they were saying).

4. When I was in 5th grade, I wanted to become a cartoonist for Disney. My 5th grade teacher also taught art and he loved cartoons and inspired me to want to draw. Needless to say, that did not pan out.

5. The only movie I remember ever crying in is Saving Private Ryan when Tom Hanks' character is on the bridge after being shot and tells Matt Damon's character to "earn it." What a touching moment.

6. I almost didn't go to Stuyvesant High School even though I had gained admittance. I wanted to go to high school with my friends, who were going to Tottenville High School. But my parents forced me to go to NYC's premier high school instead. I don't regret it now.

7. My dad loved to travel. Every year we would take a roadtrip as a family to various places across the United States. I hated some of the trips, but looking back, I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to spend so much time with my family in going to so many places that many of my peers can only dream about.

8. I almost drowned in Jones Beach when I was really young when a tide came in and knocked me under the waves. Ever since then, I am not a big fan of swimming although I do know how to swim now.

9. When I was 9 or 10 years old, my cousins and I went to Great Adventures in New Jersey. We got on this ride that would gradually flip us upside down. That particular day, the ride malfunctioned and we were left hanging upside down for awhile. I've never enjoyed amusements park ever since then.

10. I went through a rebellious stage during junior high school. I would instigate fist fights between friends, order Indian food to a friend I didn't particularly like (but we were still friends, which I don't understand), and egg cars during Halloween.

11. I had no intention of even applying to the University of Michigan. I submitted my application past the deadline. It was the first school that I heard back from.

12. I found myself very close to being put on academic probation during the first two semesters of college. I never went to class despite taking Orgo I and II, Calc I and II, Engin 100 and 101, and Physics I and II. How I managed to graduate in 4 years and get into graduate school still confounds me.

13. I am a closet nerd. I grew up loving to read. I still do. And I love what I'm studying right now (international politics).

14. I'm a better communicator in writing than I am in person. I can passionately argue and debate in writing; I am far less effective in person.

15. I started listening to Korean music in junior high school. I listened to it religiously up through college. Now it is somewhat behind me. I have not kept up.

16. One of my guilty pleasures is to watch Korean dramas. But I only watch one or two dramas in a given year. And its usually a show that has one of my favorite actresses in it, who I think is one of the hottest women. Period.

17. I have a hat fetish. I love buying baseball caps. The only bad thing is, I have a tendency to lose a lot of them.

18. I have had the same aol screenname since freshman year of high school: xlazybuttx. I still use "lazy" or "lazybutt" as a nickname for things like tshirts, video games, bowling, etc.

19. I am not the most musically talented person in the world, although I did take piano lessons for years. I do, however, love to go karaoking. I miss my NRB crew.

20. I am good at disguising my emotions to a fault. I am exceptionally guarded and have a hard time opening up to anyone. My inner circle is really small. I need to work on this.

21. I've always wanted to be a National Geographic photographer. I've also wanted to film a documentary to raise awareness and start a movement.

22. Nicholas Kristoff is one of my heroes. I would like a job like his: to travel the world and report on social issues that should matter to everyone. William Wilberforce and Adoniram Judson are two other heroes.

23. I'm not particularly a picky eater, but I hate fish. But I love other types of seafood like crab, lobster, muscles, shrimp, oysters.

24. I'm allergic to fresh apples and peaches. But I'll still eat them because they are so yummy. I am also allergic to bee stings. If I get stung, I need to be rushed to the emergency room or hit up with an epi-pen or I will die.

25. People's first impression of me is that I'm serious and intimidating. I don't know why. In fact, I love to laugh a lot. Even if its not that funny, I'll probably be found laughing. And they say I have a weird and unique laughter. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

Yes We Can

2009-01-21T01:21:00.003-05:00

January 20, 2009: the day the United States of America inaugurated its first minority president in its history. While I disagree with some major philosophical/political ideologies, I recognize the significance of this moment. So I decided that given the fact that I'm a hop, skip, and a walk away from downtown Washington D.C., I would be part of history in the making by joining with millions of other Americans in celebrating the new dawn when the office of the presidency is not an exclusively Caucasian office. Despite the impassable crowds, the frigid temperature, and the minor inconveniences and annoyances, I am glad I ventured out into the crowd to witness this momentous occasion.

A quick side note, it is indeed amazing how the son of a Kenyan immigrant who was virtually an unknown junior senatorial candidate from Illinois in 2004 came to hold the ultimate office of leadership in the country. Only in a country like the United States can that even be considered a possibility. It speaks volumes of the maturity of our democratic process in an age when many "democracies" still resort to violence and policies of exclusion to direct their domestic policies. I am proud to be an American citizen. I am even prouder to be a Korean-American. I wonder if it will at all be a possibility of seeing an Asian-American ascend to the highest office of this land. For all intents and purposes, what Pres. Obama has achieved is a milestone for all minority groups, but we have not yet arrived.

Back to the inauguration. Pastor Rick Warren's opening invocation was powerful. I know that liberal and secular commentaries are saying how overly Christian the prayer was, but the dude is a Christian evangelical pastor. What were they expecting from him? But from my vantage point, where I was standing (near the Washington Monument which is about a mile away from where it all happened), his prayer was indeed powerful. Echoes of "amen" and "hallelujah" were heard from around, while tears flowed in the eyes of some other believers. I, too, was moved by the content of his prayer. I especially liked when he prayed, "When we focus on ourselves, when we fight each other, when we forget you—forgive us. When we presume that our greatness and our prosperity is ours alone—forgive us. When we fail to treat our fellow human beings and all the earth with the respect that they deserve—forgive us." Powerful.

Like some other commentaries and analysis I've read and heard, I did not think the inauguration address was all that impressive. Don't misunderstand me. It was a fine piece of writing delivered in typical Obama-style brilliance. But the content in it of itself seemed a little less memorable than previous addresses like the JFKs and the Lincolns and the Reagans. Perhaps Obama's 2004 DNC speech and many of his subsequent speeches have spoiled me to the point where I expect his next speech to top his previous.

I have so many thoughts from the inauguration. Perhaps I shall share them on a post later on. But for now, I leave you with words from his inaugural address that I liked and a few pictures I took. More pictures can be found on my flickr site.

"What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world; duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task. This is the price and the promise of citizenship. This is the source of our confidence -- the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny."

"America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested, we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back, nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

End of an Era

2009-01-16T19:57:00.003-05:00

Last night, the 43rd President of the United States addressed the people one last time. In a rather short-winded speech, President George W. Bush thanked the people for the honor to have served as president. Immediately following the live telecast, media outlets wasted no time in colorfully commentating on all the negative legacies of President Bush.

It has been eight long years for sure. I supported George W. Bush in 2000. I knew, even back then, that he was not the most eloquent speaker, the most charismatic leader the United States could offer. I wasn't completely sold on his credentials. But I thought he would be the better person for the job than the seemingly smug and condescending Democratic nominee, Vice-President Al Gore. His campaign for compassionate conservatism seemed attractive at the time.

I also supported him in 2004. While his actions immediately following the tragic events of September 11th, 2001 were commendable, he had led the country into an ill-advised war, stirring up the hornet's nest in Iraq. His decision to proudly land on an aircraft carrier with a banner that proclaimed that the mission was over would come back to haunt him. The years following the end of Operation Iraqi Freedom was not what he had envisioned. Thousands of U.S. soldiers returned home in flag-draped caskets, and many more returned physically and psychologically disabled. Yet, I could not get myself to support the Democratic nominee for President, Senator John Kerry. I could not agree with Kerry's domestic policy plans and more importantly, his foreign policy goals. The election of 2004 became the election of the lesser of two evils.

Forgotten in the midst of all the political backlash from his decision to invade Iraq on faulty intelligence is one of President Bush's greatest foreign policy achievement. Former Senator Bill Frist wrote an excellent commentary for CNN today that gave the American people a rather positive view of the outgoing president. President Bush's commitment to fight AIDS in Africa produced the PEPFAR bill in 2003 that committed $15 billion over the next five years. It was more money committed to fighting the disease in Africa than any other presidents before. And it is widely credited by doctors, health officials, and aid workers from across the political spectrum as being highly effective in addressing a critical health need in the world. The commentary also goes on to speak of President Bush's legacy on the fight against malaria in Africa and other domestic health initiatives.

All this being said, the eight years of President Bush's administration is up. There have been many successes and failures. From rising on the ashes of the World Trade Center to flying past New Orleans in the wake of Hurrican Katrina, from passing the bipartisan led No Child Left Behind to deregulation of the financial industry, the past eight years have been eventful to say the least. But he made the hard decisions based on what he knew at the time like President-elect Obama will do when he takes office on Tuesday. Hindsight is 20/20, and knowing what we know about Iraq and Afghanistan, we can blast the President all we want. But what's done is done, and I loved how he quoted Thomas Jefferson last night when he said, "I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."

On Tuesday, Barack Hussein Obama will take the oath to become the 44th President of the United States of America. It is the end of one era and the beginning of a new one. May God bless America!

New Start

2009-01-12T23:06:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow, I start my second semester. It is exciting in a new way. I kind of know what to expect now, now that I've got one semester under my belt. The last two-and-a-half weeks of the previous semester is not something I want to repeat this time around. I vow to keep up with my work and not leave all my final papers til the last minute. I found out that one of my classes has a 30-page paper due. At least it's due a month earlier than most finals, if that is any consolation. But given the craziness I endured last semester, I'm very pleased with my performance. I've never seen grades that high next to my name and the letters "GPA". Horray for God's awesome faithfulness.

Recently, I finished Randy Pausch's book, "The Last Lecture" and watched the last lecture he delivered at Carnegie Mellon University where he had been an associate professor of computer science. If you've never heard of him, Randy Pausch was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, a type of cancer in which less than 10% of those diagnosed live past six months. With less than six months of good health left, he went on to deliver a poignant lecture that touched the hearts of those in the room and beyond. If you have not listened to that lecture and/or read the book, I strongly urge you to do so. They will surely not disappoint.

The book/lecture got me thinking about some stuff. Often times, good books and/or talks will do that to you. Here was a man diagnosed with one of the most severe forms of cancer there is and he's so optimistic on life. Yes, he is deeply saddened by the fact that he will soon leave his wife by herself to rear three children who will never fully know who their dad was. But he does not live with bitterness and a woe-is-me attitude. He does not play the victim. He says in his lecture, "That is what it is. We can't change it. We just have to decide how we'll respond. We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." And he played it as best as he knew how.

There are so many life lessons I got out of this short little book at first reading. I'm definitely planning on going back and re-reading it. I believe it has valuable lessons of what it means to be a person. But the one lesson I want to focus on today is the power of attitude. I look at myself and I see someone different from this Randy Pausch person. I get one parking ticket, one paper cut, one lousy grade, one missed lunch, and I get all bent out of shape. Here is a man who's been sentenced to death, and he lives happily and fully to his bestest abilities. There is something wildly attractive about that. Sometimes I fool myself into believing the lie that I cannot change who I am. I'm a pessimist, a half-empty kind of guy. But that doesn't mean I need to stay that way. I want to be optimistic on life. I want to be able to live a full life where even if something doesn't go the way I would hope, I can still move on quickly to bigger and better things.

That is what I'm going to try to do this new year. I don't necessarily believe in new years resolutions. But I want to try something new. I want to remain as upbeat as possible no matter what may come.

Walk the Walk

2009-01-06T16:53:00.004-05:00

I came across this article on the cover of espn.com. I've grown up rooting for the Florida Gators. I've loved them from the Fun 'n Gun days of Steve Spurrier. With the likes of Danny Wuerffel, Ike Hilliard, and Fred Taylor, the Gators were one of the most fun to watch teams in college football since the mid-1990s. But that is not why I love Pat Forde's article on Tim Tebow. I love the article because Tim Tebow represents everything good and right in a world that sorely lacks good role models and humble heroes.

The media craves attention and drama. Throughout the past several seasons, sports shows and even newscasts have highlighted the ongoing saga of Terrell Owens, the much-maligned "cancer" in the locker room. Michael Vick, Barry Bonds, Randy Moss, Stephen Marbury, Plaxico Burress and all the other drama kings have spent time plastering the covers of all major media outlets. The media loves the sensational storylines these characters offer in selling to many sports consumers, especially those who are still very impressionable. The youth of our generation is being taught subtlely that it is okay to cheat, to cause dissension, to play the victim, to intentionally injure. And by participating in such activities, they can expect to cash in. The media spends considerably less time on the good characters, those that every aspiring athlete should try to model himself after. This is why this article on Tim Tebow has captured my heart today.

The author writes, "There are plenty of athletes who talk the pious talk. Plenty of athletes who write scripture on their eye black the way Tebow does or thank God after victories. But how many have walked the walk like Tebow -- walked it into the prisons, into the slums of the Philippines, into the hearts of people in need of a role model? How many, at age 21, have done as much work on behalf of those less fortunate?"

I'm not trying to make Tim Tebow into a demi-god. Neither is Pat Forde or all the others who admire and respect this young man. All I'm saying is that given how important sports is to many boys and girls across the country, I would expect that more people would see the need for people like Tebow. Wouldn't it be advantageous for those growing up in low-income and underpriviledged neighborhoods to look up to good role models whose actions speak louder than words? I'm not suggesting that teen (and gang) violence, inner city poverty, failing school systems, racism, and other major social issues can be simply tackled by having greater role models. But hey, it's a start isn't it? Especially in neighborhoods where they look up to these athletes that routinely get into trouble.

If only athletes and celebrities and politicians and others who have been given opportunities to do good with their position of influences can walk the walk...

Man of Faith

2009-01-02T17:19:00.005-05:00

I'm reading through the book of Judges. I come to Gideon's story. The man is recorded in the hall of faith (Hebrews 11) as being a man of great faith. But when Gideon is introduced, he does not seem to possess such faith. He seems insecure when God calls him to lead the Israelites against their Midian oppressors. But Lord, how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family. This man of faith tests God by demanding God show him signs to prove to him that God is going to fulfill His promise. And I feel I am a poorer reflection of Gideon. But God, how can you use me in your redemptive purposes? If you are really God, do this for me, and then I will believe.

But Gideon did have faith. Like other great men and women of faith that came before and after him, Gideon eventually believed, despite overwhelming odds, and God rewarded such faith. God worked in spite of his insecurities. God answered Gideon and showed that He was trustworthy. And with 300 men, he conquered the Midianite army, which was said to have had been impossible to enumerate.

How timely I revisit the story of Gideon at the start of a new year. As I wrote last time, I really want to learn to live in a manner that requires radical faith. How much more radical can it be than fighting an army too large to even count with a mere 300 men? How did a man who was so insecure in his identity believe in God when it did not make any logical sense? How does one live with such determination and seemingly reckless behavior and end up doing amazing things for God?

I want to live like that. I want to live like Abram, who left the comforts of his home in Ur and Haran for the vast unknown promised land. I want to live like Abraham, who obeyed God and brought his only son, Isaac, to the altar. I want to live like Moses, who had to deal with his past issues and insecurities to stand up to the most powerful man of his time and order him to let his people go. I want to live like Joshua, who had to fill the biggest shoes left by the death of Moses, and lead God's people into the promised land. I want to live like David, who rose from being a shepherd boy to the greatest King of Israel from whom would come the eventual Messiah. I want to live like Jesus' disciples, poor fishermen and zealots and tax collectors, who gave up everything and followed a carpentar's son to transform the world. I want to live like Paul, who went from the greatest persecutor of the church to one of its greatest missionaries. I want to live like Hudson Taylor, C.T. Studd, David Livingstone, Adoniram Judson, William Wilbeforce, Jim Elliot.

They all forsook the comforts of this world for something more eternal. And the world was not worthy of them.

Reflections

2008-12-29T11:52:00.003-05:00

The year is slowly ticking down to its final moments. At this time tomorrow, millions will gather in the heart of Manhattan to watch a crystal drop ball and ring in a new year. It is crazy to think that 364 days have passed. A lot has transpired over those days. There have been good times; there have been tough losses. It has been fun and exciting while also filled with uncertainty and dread. I've experienced love and grace, rejection and rebukes, apathy and cynicism, hope and fulfillment. As one year passes and a new one approaches, it has been good to reflect on the lessons God has taught me.

Throughout this year, one of the fundamental things I learned was how sovereign God was. He knows what He is doing, even when I don't necessarily know. At this point a year ago, I was rushing to send out all my graduate school applications in hopes that one school would accept me. A few months later, I received the first rejection letter from the school of my dreams. But as soon as I began to despair, God rebuked me by sending me the first acceptance letter from another one of my top choices. Though my grades and experiences were lacking, God, in His marvelous plan, brought me to where I needed to be doing what I needed to be doing. And upon starting school, God continued to teach me about His sovereignty. Despite feelings of inadequacies in my studies, He provided the strength for me to finish assignments and finish the semester well. The grades I received were purely by the grace of God.

Related to this lesson, I'm desperately trying to learn to live a life that requires faith. I'm the type of person who needs to know every single piece of information available before making a decision. Over time and having gone through many circumstances, I've become so risk-averse that I cannot will myself to make a decision until I know with almost absolute certainty. And that fear has become such a stronghold in my life. At times it is paralyzing, especially when God wants to move in a certain direction and every logical part of me says no to Him. Something that Pastor Matt Driscoll said in one of his sermons has stuck with me ever since I first heard it. "But sometimes when you've done all you can, you have to take a calculated risk trusting that God is sovereign and good and He will figure things out...there are occasions it is risk, not foolishness, not a life of random blind foolishness, but a life of faith not folly where risk must be taken. Those of you who are overly cautious, those of you who must have an answer to everything, those of you who must think through the contingency plan for every contingency plan before you act, you may lack a proper understanding of God as sovereign and good. I'm not saying planning is bad, I'm not saying preparing is bad, I'm not saying contingency plans are bad but I'm saying at some point you must trust and in faith you must proceed forward and sometimes faith involves risk."

God even speaks to me on this very issue through Malcolm Gladwell, in his book "Blink." He writes, "We live in a world saturated with information. We have virtually unlimited amounts of data at our fingertips at all times, and we're well versed in the arguments about the dangers of not knowing enough and not doing our homework. But what I have sensed is an enormous frustration with the unexpected costs of knowing too much, of breing inundated with information. We have come to confuse information with understanding." That is me in a nutshell. I've confused information with understanding. When it comes to making decisions, I have this mentality that I need to know as much information as possible. Gladwell points out in the book that too much information severely impairs judgment and he cites case studies to prove this. I can't even count with my fingers how many times I've made poor decisions primarily because I've come to believe that I need to know every little piece of information before deciding on something.

This coming year, I want to live an adventure. This past Sunday, at RWC, the guest speaker spoke a timely message. I don't want to settle for mediocrity or anything that is subpar to what God had intended for me. Tehrah, the father of Abram, on his way to Canaan, stopped at Haran and settled there. He missed out on what God had for him in Canaan. He was comfortable. He found security. He settled. It was only through his son that God made a covenant, that Abram would become Abraham, the father of many nations. Abraham trusted God and obeyed. He did not know what lay ahead of him. He had security in Haran. Yet, he had faith and left everything. I want to be able to do that. He heard the voice of God and left. I hear the voice of God and then I need to cover my bases with contingency plans just in case things don't work out. And that is what I am praying that I will be able to do next year. Every step of the way, I want to have simple trust in God. If He has gotten me here this far, why would He fail me now?

On that note, Happy New Years!

Christmas

2008-12-24T12:33:00.003-05:00

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins." All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel--which means God with us." - Matthew 1:20-22

Jesus is the reason for the season lest we ever forget.

Causes

2008-12-18T16:18:00.001-05:00

These days, it's becoming a fad to have a cause. Bono, of U-2 fame, has his DATA organization to alleviate poverty in Africa and the (RED) campaign to raise money for the fight against AIDS in Africa. Angelina Jolie is the UNHCR's Goodwill Ambassador, the spokesperson for refugees and internally displaced peoples. Lucy Liu is the US Fund for UNICEF Ambassador, committed to the organization's HIV/AIDS awareness and education programs. Bill and Melinda Gates started the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for the fight against preventable diseases among other initiatives. The list can go on and on.

It's awesome to see "outliers", to borrow Malcolm Gladwell's term, use their exceptional fortune to do some good in this world. In an age where the Lindsey Lohans and Brittany Spears and Paris Hiltons of the world headline the tabloids with their latest celebrity exploits, I find it abhorable that not as much media attention has been placed on Ben Affleck's "Gimme Shelter" short film for UNHCR's effort to raise $23 million for the refugee crisis brought on by the Democratic Republic of the Congo's civil war.

But as helpful and productive the attention that celebrities bring to some of these causes are, it is simply not enough. The challenges that the world faces today is overwhelming. Much of sub-Saharan Africa is trapped in a vicious cycle of poverty and war. Child soldiering has been and continues to be employed in many wars across the world. Indentured servitude and sex trafficking is the largest slave movement in modern times. Religious intolerance and persecution is not on the decline, and there were more Christian martyrs in the 20th century than all the prior centuries combined. Corruption is rampant in the U.S. and other economic powerhouses of the world. Dictators ruthlessly enslave their own citizens and execute others without cause. Tens of millions are without clean drinkable water while millions more are without basic nutritional food. People in abject poverty live in the base of garbage dumps, where they scavenge for leftover food and/or junk they could sell to vendors. We need not look too far to see that right in our own backyards are people who are disabled, homeless, incarcerated, victims of substance abuse, etc. Can there be a celebrity spokesperson for all of the thousands and millions of needs in this world?

It is no wonder that many choose to ignore the troubling circumstances of our times. They pretend as though poverty, AIDS, refugees, etc. do not exist. Or they simply don't care. The cynic inside of me fights to come out at times. There's simply nothing I can do. It's just too much. But I believe that God has called each and everyone of his people, including myself, to run this race for the least of these. Sure, there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to devote my time and resources to fight every battle. But I think that is the beauty of the Church, the partnership of the saints. I may be passionate about children's rights and human suffrage movements; others might be passionate about access to healthcare and preventable diseases; some others might be concerned with homelessness and substance abuse patients. And together, we can make tangible inroads in helping alleviate some of the tantamount issues of our age.

I am no idealist. I believe it is fundamentally impossible that we can eradicate all the problems of this world. That is what heaven is. But I believe that the words of Isaiah and Micah are not just in the Bible for the sake of being in there. I'm not sure how God will specifically use me to run this race for the least of these. But I am open to doing whatever and going wherever. Would you join me?

Here are a few organizations that are dedicated in doing some good in this world. This is not an exhaustive list, but a list of organizations I am familiar with and support to some degree:
- World Vision
- International Justice Mission
- LiNK
- ONE
- USAID
- Charity Water

Quarter Complete

2008-12-13T03:16:00.003-05:00

One semester is officially in the books. The past two weeks (three if you count the crazy week of Thanksgiving) were a blur. There's one thing that I did a lot of that I hadn't done in quite some time: pull all-nighters while feeling the intense pressure to perform. It's seriously one of the depressing things when the sun is rising, your roommates are waking up to go to work, and you're in the same position as you were when the sun was setting and your roommates were going to sleep. It's even more depressing when this repeats more than once in a week.

But it's done now. I turned in my last paper today at 5:45pm. And I get to taste freedom for the first time in three weeks. No more locking myself in my room or in the dungeons in a library reading about Kim Jong-Il, nuclear deterrence, desperation theory, national identity concept in international relations; about Seoul Olympics, tourist industry, mega-event strategy for development; about aggregate demand curve, inflation rates, monetary and fiscal policy; about human rights, North Korean Human Rights Act, refugee status. Don't get me wrong. I learned a lot. I appreciate it. But I'm done with it...at least for now. I think it's time that I give my brain a rest. My body has taken a beating these past two weeks. I think I've developed acid-reflux disease or heartburn or something for having stayed up so many nights and eating anything and everything into the wee hours of the morning (or sometimes not eating at all). I've had minor facial breakouts that I hadn't experienced since like junior high school. And my room looks as if a tornado hit. So I'm ready to move on and enjoy the next several weeks of pure freedom and enjoyment.

But through it all, God is continuing to teach me more of His ways. All the sermons I've listened to has really touched me in fresh ways (even Pastor Bruce's out at Remnant West during the Thanksgiving weekend). This has surely been a time of renewal and refreshment for my soul, and I intend to enjoy it and soak it in as much as I can. I know that there will be stretches in my walk where I will struggle. But I believe, right now, I am learning to be content in how God is working in my life and without fear about where God will take me in the future. I need to learn to live for the moment (although still praying about the future) because God has lessons in the present for the future.

It's been a learning semester (academically, personally, spiritually). It's been a trying semester. But all in all, it has been a blessed semester, of which I have no one else but God to thank.

Thankful

2008-11-27T02:43:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving Day. There's much to be thankful for, regardless of external circumstances. Really.

A loving family. Supportive friends. God-fearing church.
Eyes to see. Ears to hear. Mouth to taste. Nose to smell. Hands to feel. Legs to walk.
A roof over my head. Food on the table. Money in the wallet. Clothes for the body.
Higher education. College education. Heck, ANY education.
Clean water. Hot water. Running water. Electricity. Heat.
A vision to pursue. A call to obey. A mission to fulfill.
Faith. Hope. Love. Grace. Mercy. Inspiration. Dreams. Goals.
Children frolicking without a care in the world. Friends and family tying the knot. Friends and family in love.
Hearty laughs. Deep talks. Powerful prayers. Good fellowship.
Timely convictions. Much needed rebukes. More needed encouragement.
A pat on the back. An arm around the shoulder.
And so much more.

As I write this, at least 101 are dead and hundreds more injured/missing in coordinated terrorist attacks in Mumbai, India. As I write this, the economy is tanking with virtually no end in sight with the housing market continuing to slide, unemployment continuing to rise, stock market continuing to rise and fall. As I write this, terrorist insurgencies continue to hamper development of Afghanistan and Iraq. As I write this, malaria, tuberculosis, smallpox, and other curable diseases ravage sub-Saharan Africa with inaccessibility to cheap medicine. As I write this, AIDS is killing off an entire generation of Africans, leaving orphans to fend for themselves. As I write this, modern day pirates board ships as a multimillion dollar enterprise conducted by a lawless society in Somalia. As I write this, modern day slave traders traffick men, women, and children to become forced laborers and prostitutes in the developing world. As I write this, food prices continue to rise and bread riots continue to be a global threat. As I write this, genocide continues in Darfur with little international action being taken while words like "not on our watch" become meaningless. As I write this, hundreds of thousands of North Koreans are locked away in concentration camps for life and millions more are starving while its leader gets fat off of choicest selection of food the world can offer, drives any one of his hundreds of exotic cars, drinks the most expensive liquor found on earth.

As I write this, I realize how ungrateful I've become. All the luxuries afforded to me by the grace of God I take for granted. But on this Thanksgiving Day, may I realize how blessed I am and how I am blessed to be a blessing to others.

Your Kindness Leads to Repentance

2008-11-23T23:35:00.001-05:00

Harvest Mission Community Church had been my church for the last seven-plus years. It was the church that welcomed me, a sinner, into the arms of a mighty God. It was the church that showed me the full extent of God's love for all peoples. It was the church that taught me how to love the local body and to build up the body of Christ. And in the words of Paul, I thank my God every time I remember the church.

My relationship with the church, however, was not always rosy. I did not see eye-to-eye with the pastors all the time. I did not agree with some of the church's philosophy of ministry. I had issues with the structure of the organization. I questioned certain decisions. I took offense at comments directed at people. I definitely had many instances of bitterness, anger, and jadedness towards the church. I have definitely struggled in loving the church.

I tried to leave on a good note. I didn't want to leave on a bitter note like many of my friends. So I tried. And I thought I did a good job. But upon arriving in Washington D.C., God was revealing that I had not effectively dealt with the contentious issues I had with HMCC. I had merely bottled in the angst. I had not allowed God to heal me. Even as I got plugged into a church in the DC area, I took issues with the way the church in Ann Arbor operated, and it spilled over into arguments and debates with others.

It was only recently that God began the process of healing me. Hearing other people who had their own issues with the church share about their post-HMCC experience certainly helped. Visiting the Austin church also helped. But on the plane ride home from Austin, I listened to a sermon that was recommended by a friend. Pastor Mark Driscoll, lead pastor of Mars Hill Church, gave a sermon at a John Piper conference. He talks about the use of words in the church. One of the points he makes is that we need to pray for the shepherds. He says, "As ministers, we are far from being perfect. But many of us are doing our best. And we are grieved that the minds of our people should be more directed to our personal imperfections than to our divine message." Here I was, criticizing the weaknesses of the staff rather than focusing on the message of God and what it would have for me. Here I was, nitpicking on certain areas of minor disagreements that was preventing me from focusing on God and what He would have for me.

He also says, "Religious people preach repentance. They don't practice repentance. Religious people tell everyone to repent. They themselves fail to repent." I'm a bona fide pharisee. I had forgotten my roots as a sinner. I had gotten too caught up in the religiosity of serving in the church. I had become proud, somehow convincing myself that I knew better then anyone else and that what I had to say was worthy of an audience. I had neglected the Christian call to repentance, presuming a holier than though attitude. Other people should repent, not me. Through this sermon, God was revealing the magnitude of my sinfulness and how far from the cross I had swerved. And I found myself repenting on the plane and throughout the days to come.

I appreciate Harvest Mission Community Church. The church is composed of imperfect people who are trying their best to obey God. Do they have faults? Sure. But so do I. And that is the beauty of the grace of God. He uses imperfect people to proclaim the perfect love of God. Praise God.

If you are bitter or have issues with your church and/or others within the church, I highly recommend listening to this sermon. I pray that God would free you from the bondage of bitterness as He is doing in my life. Here is the link to the sermon. Feel free to drop a line or an email if you'd like to talk about the sermon and/or other issues.

Change is Coming

2008-11-06T00:12:00.002-05:00

So I voted for the other guy. I'll get that off my chest right away. It was a hard fought election, a campaign in which we saw messages of hope mixed with sleeze. But in the end, the American people have spoken, and the country blazes a new path in its history.

I respect President-elect Barack Obama. His quick ascendency to national prominence is something to admire. But that he is the nation's first African-American President-to-be is something special. Despite the fundamental differences I have with his ideology, I am proud to see a minority be elected to the country's highest position. The jury will be out on how effective his four years will be in guiding this country through two wars, a global financial crisis, a fractured domestic political spectrum, and many other issues. But history has been made, and we'll see what the future holds in store for this country.

This election has been the outright rejection of the brand of politics that has been in power for the past two presidents. The spike in interest in the political affairs of this nation is a criticism of the divisive rancor wielded by Bush and co. And I'm glad for the shift. We are no better off as a people and a nation than eight years ago. The domestic partisanship is as extreme, if not more, than eight years ago. We are in one unpopular war in Iraq that has resulted in the deaths of thousands of young men and women for a cause that was fabricated. We are in another war understaffed and facing many challenges and insurgency movements that seem resilient in their ways. And we are in the most serious economic crisis since the Great Depression and policymakers are throwing everything at the problem hoping something sticks and begins to work.

It is fitting that John McCain lost in a landslide and Republicans in the Senate and House lost ground. It was hard to watch McCain deliver his classy concession speech. Many question where the John McCain of last night had been throughout the campaign when Americans were looking for answers instead of attacks. That was the real John McCain that I had learned to respect. The real McCain that stood for principles, that worked across party lines to work for America. But in the end, the John McCain of the past several months has been the John McCain that Barack Obama wanted to portray, the McCain of the right wing George W. Bush brand of the Republican Party. I'm not going to say that that is why he lost the election. But when he reached to the far right wing of the social conservative base and picked an unknown, inexperienced Alaskan governor who had only been in power for two whole years as his Vice Presidential nominee, he lost the moderate and independent vote.

It is time for a change. As a moderate Republican, I am fed up with a brand of politics that demonizes the other side, writes fear-mongering letters to sway electorates, and does anything and everything to keep power. Where is the integrity and morality, the willingness to work together for the good of the people, the leading by example, the call to serve the public good, the small government and empowerment of the people? Where is the Ronald Reagans and the Abraham Lincolns of the Grand Old Party these days? I'm tired of Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. I'm tired of Donald Rumseld and Paul Wolfowitz. I'm tired of Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly. It's time for change.

Two Years ii

2008-11-03T02:22:00.001-05:00

Our church schedules a memorial service for a fallen hero. His name was Minhee Kim. Friends knew him better as Andy. He served his country. But he loved God and His people even more. Those who would gather at the service would serve as a living testament to the short life that our friend had lived. The room quickly fills up. Tissue boxes line the aisles. No one says a word to one another. Tears that flow like mighty rivers say enough. Andy lived well. He left a legacy.

Several days later, two friends and I go to visit his family. We bring comfort foods of sort so that they wouldn't have to cook in their time of great grief. We greet the parents and his brother. We try to console them. We tell them some stories about Andy. They grieve. We grieve alongside them. Words seem hallow at a time like this.

A few days later, the casket arrives in full procession. The body arrives at the airport from Dover, DE. There's a more formal open-casket funeral service. Local news reporters, officials, veterans of Operation Iraqi Freedom, veterans from other U.S.-involved wars, and the rest of the Ann Arbor community would cram in the sanctuary of Covenant Presbyterian Church. It's my first time experiencing a military funeral--bagpipes, bugle, the standing guards, etc. One of our pastors presides over the main service. Some of his closest friends and small group leaders give eulogies. A little sermon. Many tears. We pay our final respects. I approach the half-opened wooden casket draped in red, white, and blue. I see his lifeless body robed in full military garb. You did good kid, I whisper. You did good.

The pallbearers close the casket. The flag is draped over. The Marines do their ceremonious procession in carrying the body out and into the funeral car. The parents and his brother follow. It doesn't ease the pain. But at least he's in a better place, a place where there is no more tears and sorrow. I see friends in the arms of others, individuals in contemplation, old war veterans saluting their own. I see grown men cry, young college kids grow up, strangers pay homage and respect. It would be beautiful picture in any other circumstances. But not today. Today, I weep with those who weep, grieve with those who grieve.

I open my email to find the last correspondence I had with him. He last wrote to us on Oct. 16, 2006: "one verse thats been sticking out to me has been psalm 44:22. it brings [an] odd comfort that He calls us to die each day to many different things, physically or spiritually. i need to learn more to take my hands off situations, especially when i can't control who gets to come home in one piece and who doesn't." Psalm 44:22 says, "Yet for your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." That verse now has new meaning.

People often ask how a loving God could allow tragedy to happen. In my youth, I would have tried to find the most articulate philosophical argument to that question. But these days, I just let God deal with those who ask. Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen.

Two Years

2008-10-30T22:45:00.004-04:00

It's a cold and snowy November day. The day isn't any different than usual. I park at the same level of the same parking lot like any other day. I get to the office, turn on the lights, brew some coffee, open my email, and go about the routine. My supervisor comes at her usual time, and then the rest of the office trickles in. I don't remember what I was working on at the time. It's probably some travel/hosting report or something to that effect. My supervisor comes out of her office at around 12:30pm, asking when I'm taking lunch. I tell her, soon. I had no lunch plans that day. I was just going to go to one of the restaurants I usually take out from in days like that. I don't exactly remember why I didn't just go and get something earlier. I probably was gchatting with people. That probably is it.

Then, at 12:34pm, I get an email from my lead pastor. The subject headline says, "Important Information." And being on the leadership at the church, I am accustomed to receiving emails with such subjects. Nonchalantly, I open the email thinking it has something to do with one of our upcoming gatherings. But instead, I read the first line, and I feel like I've been punched in the stomach really hard. Blood drains from my face as I stare blankly at the monitor in front of me. My supervisor walks in and immediately senses something is not right. She asks if I'm okay. I tell her everything is fine. She doesn't buy it, but she walks back into her office. I re-read the short little email. A close friend ims me. He's read the email too. He asks if I'm alright. No, I say. Me neither, he says. We decide to meet up for lunch at Charleys in 15 minutes. In the meantime, I im some others. No one can believe it. This can't be, we tell ourselves. And then none of us can say much after that.

I tell my supervisor that I'm going to lunch. I zipper my jacket, put my hood on, place my hands inside my pockets and head downstairs. I see my friend at the corner of South U and East U. We walk silently towards Charleys. Silence has never been that loud before. We get inside, shake off the snow, take off our jackets, and sit in a booth. We take a look at the menu. Our appetite's gone, but our stomachs tell us to order. I'll have the swiss mushroom burger with fries, I tell the waiter. My friend orders something too. The waiter leaves. I look out the window overlooking the wintry Ann Arbor landscape. The snow is falling thicker and faster than before. None of us say much for the first few minutes. He breaks the tension. His voice cracks. He's cried before we met up. He starts sharing the last thing he remembers. Something at small group. I can't really remember the details. We smile. The food comes. I pick at the fries until he says he'll pray for the food. He prays. He sobs. He whimpers. He barely finishes with the traditional, amen. Little do I realize, tears are raining down on my cheeks as well. Two grown men crying in a public restaurant. Who gives a damn what people think.

I take a bite of my burger. I taste nothing. I chew a little bit, and then I offer a story. The first time I met the kid. Five, maybe six years ago. In a summer small group. When undergrads studied the Word and fellowshipped with high school students and graduate students. A quiet kid, but genuinely good-natured. He had a unique laugh. So did I. We connected. He reminded me of my own brother. I liked him. We got along well. He accepted Christ. Got involved with the church. Then off to college he went. Only to return a year later with plans to transfer. He began serving the church. Small group. Ministry team. His class. And then, out of nowhere one day, he tells me he's enlisting. USMC. I didn't know how to respond. What do you say to that? I thought he was joking. He wasn't. He went off to boot camp. He came back different. The same, but very different. He awaited deployment. Iraq. The Bush administration's flawed war. The search for WMD yielded nothing but an all-out civil war and anarchy. Good men were sent to bring peace. Many saw death. I prayed for a miracle. Somehow his company would not ship to Iraq. Maybe Korea. Japan. Somewhere far away from harm's reach. For awhile, my prayers seemed to be working. He kept getting delayed. Until September. He was finally being deployed. I got a chance to meet up with him. Again, what do you say in that situation? He laughed in his usual goofy form. This time, I only smiled. I could not laugh. I prayed for him. He asked me to. What do you want me to pray for, I asked. He said he wanted to be a witness to his company and to the people of Iraq. Anything else? No. I looked at him. I saw someone vastly different from the one I first met in that random small group. I just nodded my head. And I prayed. The day before he was to deploy, people at church gathered around him and said their good lucks. No goodbyes. He'll come back to us. I give him a hug. Come back safe, I whisper in his ear. He just nods. That's the last I saw of him.

to be continued...

Inadequacies

2008-10-18T14:57:00.001-04:00

This is a confession from the heart. This is more so for me than anyone else, but I'm going public to be honest and vulnerable. Perhaps it'll be of help and encouragement to others who share similar stories.

I've grown up in a culture that demands perfection. Being the oldest son of Korean immigrants, there has always been an exceeding pressure to become "successful." Ever since I can remember, I've been taught that anything less than perfection is simply not enough, whether academically, athletically, artistically, etc. I consider myself a little bit more fortunate than some of my other peers whose parents were even more demanding than mine. All in all, as I look back, I realize that the environment in which I grew up fed a growing sense of insecurity and low self-esteem that has carried over to the present day. But with that being said, I refuse to play the blame game. Playing the victim and blaming my parents and the culture in which I grew up in would be the easy way out.

This has been something that's been on my heart for some time now. I've battled such feelings of inadequacies and insecurities for as long as I can remember. Why am I not smart enough? Why am I so shy and afraid of so many things? Why can't I do certain things? And the list could go on.

It's been a struggle that keeps coming up in different ways. Recently, graduate studies has been a source of much of this struggle. With every week and every class, I come out feeling like I've barely survived a ten-round boxing match. There are times when I genuinely have no idea what I've signed up for, considering every waking moment is spent on some school-related activity, mostly reading and writing papers. I feel like I'm barely staying afloat while it seems some of my peers are breezing by.

But God has been faithful beyond belief. Last week, I somehow endured my hell week where I had two papers, a presentation, and an exam all due on the same day. After that day, in all honesty without exaggeration, I thought I had failed everything. I was totally unprepared for my presentation, both my papers were pulled out of my butt, and the exam was questionable. I left for New York last weekend feeling dejected and needing a break. I didn't have a nervous or emotional breakdown or anything of that sort, but deep inside, I was battling the doubts that were ever so rapidly filling my heart and my mind. I began to believe the lies that I wasn't good enough, that I'd never become successful, that I will always be a failure.

After coming back to DC, I got my grades back for all of the things I had submitted, and once again, I was floored. Again, God was gently rebuking me that I was focusing too much on my circumstances rather than on God. As I was coming home from classes on Wednesday, I felt God was speaking to me through the words of Paul. God's grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in weakness. Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity has kept me humble throughout these past few months. I could easily boast about my grades and my abilities in school. But God is reminding me that I'm not so good, that I don't deserve the grades that I've been getting.

This is a hard lesson for me. Overcoming feelings of inadequacies and insecurities will be a tough challenge for me, but I know that God is faithful. I'm just thankful to God for all that He's shown me, and all the more, I wish to say that He is able when I am not.

God's Sovereignty

2008-10-08T03:51:00.003-04:00

It is the wee hours of the morning, and I have just completed my last piece of work as part of my first of presumably many hell weeks during grad school. In the past 24 hours, I have had 2 critical analysis papers to write, 1 presentation to do in class, and an econ exam. I have yet to touch my Chinese homework, but all I can think about is going home this weekend and relaxing.

Having loaded up on sugar and caffeine to stay awake, I decided to blog about something that's been on my mind recently: God's sovereignty. It is a term widely circulated in the Christian community. I've been wrestling with it for awhile now, an oft-repeated lingo in my prayers and discussions with other believers. What does that mean? Why do I keep saying it?

A few months ago, though I did not physically attend the conference, I listened to some of the sermons preached during AMI Revolution. The sermons that Dr. Steve Lee gave remarkably centered on the concept of sovereignty in the work of God as seen through the life of Esther. A familiar story: Esther, an orphaned Jewish girl, is chosen by a drunk Persian king, Xerxes, to be his queen. Xerxes is persuaded to issue an edict to kill all Jews. Mordecai, who had adopted Esther before, tells Esther that she must go and tell the king to annul the edict to which Esther replies that if she approaches the king without being summoned, she would surely die and that she cannot go. Mordecai responds and says, "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" And Esther responds by ordering Mordecai to gather all the Jews and fast for her. "When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish."

God's sovereignty rests in the knowledge that God's plan will prevail regardless of human participation. "Relief and deliverance will arise from another place..." Too often, I think to myself that my actions will ultimately dictate what happens in life. From important decisions like "what am I going to study", "where am I going to live" or "who am I going to marry" to little ones like "what am I going to eat for dinner", "how many hours of sleep will I get tonight?", I think that those decisions will forever alter my life and possibly lead me on a path that's different from where God intends me to be. But I'm learning this concept of God's sovereignty over and over again. God's plan is independent to my actions. God's plan will be done; He just invites me along for the ride.

A case in point is graduate school. I keep beating this over and over again, but I believe this is a lesson that is so fundamental that I wish to share. My first two years of undergrad were marked with constant failures and disillusionment. I had never seen grades that low in my life, so low that the probabilities of me being put on academic probation were high. Until the day I left Ann Arbor, I wore those two years as a sign of failure around my neck. After graduation, amazingly on time, I had trouble conceptualizing how God could use me with a transcript that was not at all attractive to employers and graduate schools. And even after years out of college, I still saw my academic failures as a tremendous source of insecurity and I kept delaying graduate school plans. During the summer or 2007, while in China, I felt that God was speaking to me on one of the many train rides we took. It was almost a calming voice that said, "Be still and know that I am God. Trust in me that I will make your paths straight." It was around this time when I was thinking about my future considerably, and later in that trip, God, once again, spoke words of confirmation. "This is why I brought you to China, to give you a glimpse of what I have called you to. Now do not fear and go." And I felt that command to go was a confirmation that God wanted me to pursue the convictions he had placed on my heart for awhile. And upon returning, I took my GREs and applied to several schools. I felt that if God really wanted me to go to graduate school and pursue this path, that only He could make it happen. My competitive standing alone would not get me in, and again, my insecurities came up and I began to listen to the lies of Satan, that I wasn't smart enough, wasn't good enough, etc. But when I got my acceptance letter to one of the top schools in my field, I knew that God is sovereign. If it is His will, He will make it possible. All He asks is for obedience and faith.

I'm learning that over and over again, each week of graduate school. In different experiences in class, in finding a church, in friendships, in other aspects of life, God is orchestrating things that I simply could not have done on my own. I'm learning to have more faith and worry less because God is in control. His will is going to prevail one way or another. It is up to me to respond in faith like Esther, "If I perish, I perish." I will do what I need to do because God is in control. And even if I make mistakes, God is in control. God is sovereign.

Ramblings

2008-10-02T10:49:00.003-04:00

A disclaimer: This is not a cohesive entry with a main point. This is not how my papers for classes look like. This is just a collection of various thoughts I've had lately that by themselves would not have been worth posting an entry.

A few days ago, I was watching college football. More specifically, I was watching the Michigan-Wisconsin game. I almost turned the television off after halftime because that game was ugly. Good thing I didn't. Aside from watching such a crazy comeback, one of the announcers said something that stayed with me. He was commenting on the reluctance of the Wisconsin quarterback in stepping up in the pocket and delivering passes and instead being sacked and hurried to make bad throws. He said something like, "You can't wait forever to throw that ball. You gotta pull the trigger earlier." Life lessons from a college football analyst, wouldn't you say? Can't wait forever...you gotta pull the trigger. Watching football has its perks.

The economy is going crazy. And House Republicans are playing the partisan game when they rejected the $700billion government bailout bill. Sure that amount of money is staggering, considering our generation will take the hit and need to pay it off somehow. But to blame Nancy Pelosi (I mean I'm not a big fan of her either but...) and her partisan speech before the vote as the reason why you vote against the bill? Come on! That's such bull. I expect more from my congressmen. Americans should kick everyone of them (not just the Republicans) out of the House this Nov. We need a fresh start.

Speaking about the bailout, all those people who were contacting their congressmen to vote no on the bill are not intelligent. Sure, the taxpayer shouldn't be called up on to bailout financial institutions for the mistakes that greedy corporate execs made in the first place. We shouldn't be asked to throw a lifesaver to these corporations that are giving those execs tens of millions of dollars in severance packages for the crappy job they did. But that's just one side of the story. This financial crisis also affects the so-called Main Street people, the average Americans when there is a credit freeze and banks are collapsing. Banks are refusing to lend to anyone out of fear at a time when small and medium businesses rely on short-term loans for their payroll and costs of operations. This can only mean a staggering number of job losses and economic shutdown if this prolongs. So if the average American wants to punish corporate execs, they must be willing to punish themselves. But perhaps that may not be such a bad thing, given that we are a society that has become slaves to the credit market, a generation that is burdened with reckless debt.

Learning a new language is hard. Learning Chinese is even harder. God have mercy on me. I'm learning to be patient and take things one step at a time. But it's hard. I should have learned a language when I was younger and my brain was more impressionable. This class is definitely taking up a lot more of my time than I had expected. But I have no regrets. I'm determined to learn it and be good at it (and it's not because of a girl as some have suspected). It's a critical language in the world today, and I think it'll be a good asset to have in whatever I end up doing after grad school. Also, it reminds me of my experience in China. It'd be cool to go back and talk to the natives in their tongue instead of having to rely on translators. Maybe one day...

One Month In

2008-09-20T23:25:00.003-04:00

It's been about a month since I've started graduate studies. So far I don't want to quit, so I guess that's an encouraging sign. In actuality, though it definitely has not been easy, graduate school is pretty fun and interesting. I'm now realizing how quickly these next two years are going to fly by, so I'm trying my best to enjoy every moment and learn as much as I can in order to fully prepare myself for the future.

The academic load has been pretty demanding. At first glance, three classes doesn't seem all that intense. But it's been consuming my life more than I could've ever imagined. And I just started an intro to Chinese language class, and my life will only get busier with academics. But I can't complain. The classes have been pretty interesting so far. I'm taking two of my three core classes (theories to international relations and economic theories) as well as an elective (U.S. and the Two Koreas) which will count towards my area focus requirement. The two core classes are kind of dry, but I'm realizing how foundational they are for future classes, particularly my specialization classes I'll begin to take next semester. My elective class on Korea has been awesome. The readings have been enjoyable and informative, and our class discussions have been stimulating and challenging. We'll be bringing in Kim Hyun Sik, the former professor at Pyongyang University in N.Korea and the former tutor to Kim Jong Il, who will speak at American University. I had a chance to talk to him briefly when he came to speak at the University of Michigan, and when I heard he'd be speaking at AU, I knew I had to take this course.

Outside of school, I've decided to attend Open Door Presbyterian Church. At the end of the day, I wanted to get plugged in to a church sooner than later, and this church has all the things I'm looking for. It's pretty cool because I've gotten to connect with former U-M alums who I had lost touch with over the years. I'm not sure how actively I can participate in serving and whatnot, but I'm going to try my best to serve in whatever capacity I can find.

I've been resisting in writing about politics on my blog just because politics has the power to divide people. I've been finding myself engaging in some meaty political discussions in the world of gchat, but I will continue to refrain from publishing my opinions online. If you really want to discuss the presidential elections, the economy, international affairs, and all that, then you can find me online or drop me an email. Maybe when it gets closer to the actual elections I will throw in a few entries about how I feel. But I just don't feel like taking my personal opinions to the blogs. So sorry.

But all in all, I'm loving it in Washington D.C. I wish I had a bit more time to just unwind and enjoy what the city has to offer, but I can't complain.

Missions ii

2008-09-07T20:30:00.003-04:00

One of the things that really inspire me is hearing life-transforming testimonies. And the ones that really get to me are the ones that are just so conceptually unbelievable but yet so amazingly true. Today, I heard of a story like that, and allow me to introduce him to you (due to the sensitivity of the topic, i have changed his name and any detail that could potentially disrupt his ministry).

Mark was a religious man, devout believer in a monotheistic religion in a country in Central Asia. He grew up in a very homogeneous religious environment; everyone he knew believed the same god as he did. Nothing changed until two missionaries from the United States transplanted in the same region of the country. These two missionaries, husband and wife, left everything behind to reach out to Mark's people group and his country. Through the missionaries, God opened the heart of Mark's uncle who came to believe that Jesus died to give him new life. Mark's uncle quickly shared the Good News with all his family members, including Mark. But Mark could not believe, and angrily argued with his uncle. "How could you believe such a false god?" he asked. But his uncle continued to share with him and prayed for him. Time passed, and one day, an angel of God appeared to Mark in a vision and told him about how Jesus came to die for him. Mark accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior that day and began to witness to his own people group. He was received with hostility, getting beaten and arrested a few times. The two missionaries later married Mark and his wife before getting kicked out of the country because of new laws that outlawed foreign missionary work in the country. Mark worried about the growth of the local Christian population with foreign missionaries, but God has been faithful to him and his people. Despite being closed to foreign missions work, the church continues to grow in the hardest areas of the country, where most people are fundamentally hostile to Christianity. Mark is here in America to learn advanced agricultural sciences so that he can take that knowledge back to his home country and develop the agricultural industry there and will gain a great platform to serve his people and build the local church.

As he shared his testimony, I could not help but recollect my experience in the villages of western China reaching out and sharing the Gospel to the locals. It was overwhelming to see just how much more work needed to be done in sharing the Gospel and how there was no viable local church to witness to their own people group. And I can't help but wonder, if China continues to crackdown on evangelization within its borders and decides to really kick out every foreign missionary, can the Gospel continue to slowly change the hearts of the ethnic minorities that we were reaching out to? But as evidenced in this man's testimony, even though his country kicked out missionaries, the local church continues to grow.

Our God is mighty to save, might to save indeed.

Missions

2008-08-30T12:02:00.003-04:00

A few nights ago, I randomly decided to browse through my journal that I wrote in while I was in China last summer. As I was reading through the different entries I had written before, during, and after the trip, I was, metaphorically, transported back in time and a flood of memories gushed forth. It was a good solitary time between me and God, as I was being freshly reminded of different experiences and convictions from the Lord.

Last night, my roommates and I went to check out a local church's missions banquet. The church, Open Door Presbyterian Church, is a Korean church that gave birth to an English congregation that meets independently. Though they are two entities, they often times interact very closely, as is the case with their summer missions trips. During their missions service where in which the 7 summer missions teams did a presentation as well as the pastor gave a short sermon, I was blown away at this church's commitment to missions. This was a church that not only talked the talk about going to the ends of the earth; they were wholly committed to the evangelization of every people group.

This church, like I said early, sent 7 summer missions teams comprising of more than 100 people of its Korean and English congregation. They also have sent out long-term missionaries that are serving faithfully in Africa and Central Asia, as well as financially support many others. One of their teams that went to an East Asian country had the opportunity to enter into a closed country, not only to missionaries but to most citizens of the world. When they showed pictures, I felt God was reawakening my heart to the work of missions. And during the prayer time, it was one of the most refreshing prayer times I've had for a long, long time.

I'm going to attend the church on Sunday to see what it's like on an average Sunday and to see if this is the church for me. The only reservation I have is that it is predominantly homogeneous in its makeup, with a few non-Koreans. But in terms of the one value that I refused to compromise on, this church is all that I could've wished for in its pursuit of reaching the nations. We'll see what happens...

The Start of Something New

2008-08-23T00:39:00.003-04:00

The past two days have been spent at American University's School of International Service Orientation. Having just arrived in the Washington DC area, I had very little time to adjust to my new home. And so these past several days have been really hectic, and something tells me that the situation is not going to get any better once school starts next week.

However, I am officially a graduate student now that I have completed my orientation and have loads of reading already waiting for me. It is at times exciting but also, at times, very overwhelming. One thing that was repeated quite often throughout the two-day orientation was that I could no longer operate with an undergraduate frame of thought. I have two years to complete my program and not nearly enough time to just dabble in different interests. There seemed to be a tepid warning to us, masters students, to quickly find a professional passion (as one professor called it) and dive right in. So far that doesn't bode well with me, one of many professional interests in the field of international relations.

Aside from that, I am seeing God's hand at work in my life. A few things show me that God is seeing me through this new chapter in life. A few months ago, when I realized how expensive the total cost of graduate school would be, I became desperate in trying to find anything that would pay me (at the very least to put some dollars in my pockets). I had applied for faculty assistantships that were available but had not heard from the school, and so I feared the worst. However, a few weeks ago, after leaving Ann Arbor, I received an email indicating that I, in fact, did receive a faculty assistantship position, and that the faculty I would be assisting is the current dean of the school and whom I had talked to briefly before. The pay is not all that awesome, but the mere fact that I get to work closely with the dean of the school counts for something.

Another area in which I see God orchestrating things is in the way God brings international students into my life. I'm trying to learn how to be more outwardly social in gatherings, and during orientation, one of the unsaid things is to go and meet your classmates and professors. Often times, fear would hold me back from just introducing myself to a bunch of strangers, but somehow I got to interact with some international students from Taiwan, China, Indonesia, Korea, and Japan. I don't know what it is, but I had always had an affinity towards international students, particularly those from East Asian countries. And that affinity followed me all the way to Washington DC. I'm trying my best to build relationships with these students. One thing I want to refrain from is to approach any relationship that I may build in the next two years on an agenda. It will undoubtedly be a challenge to share my faith with my classmates, but first and foremost, I want them to see Jesus in who I am.

Overall, although I am exhausted from the past two days, I am excited on the start of a new chapter in my life. As cliche as this may sound, I feel like the possibilities are endless. To a certain extent, perhaps what they say is right, that one person can make a difference. I hope that by the end of my graduate studies, I will be ready to roll up my sleeves and get to work in solving one or more problems. But until then, I do not wish to repeat my first year of undergrad when I completely blew off my classes. I'm excited to hit the books again and learn the theories and the practicals of international politics.

Appreciating Greatness

2008-08-16T00:40:00.005-04:00

The Olympics is a showcase of the world's best athletes in action, and these Beijing Games have certainly not disappointed in individual and team achievements. By far, the most captivating headline of these games is Michael Phelps' pursuit of an unprecedented eight gold medals. As of today (8/15/08), he is seven for seven, the last gold coming in a thriller of a finish, out-touching Milorad Cavic by a hundredth of a second. With that victory, he tied Mark Spitz's Olympic record by capturing seven gold medals in a single Olympics, and Phelps has a chance to break that record when he races in the 4x100m medley relay.

As I've been admiring this man's athleticism and pursuit of glory, I've encountered many people who are vehemently wishing that Phelps does not break the record. I understand that Michael Phelps' character is lacking by account of eyewitnesses. I understand that he is rather proud. I understand all the knock on his personality. But these are the Olympics, and what Michael Phelps is doing is ridiculous. The guy has thirteen gold medals in two Olympics for crying out loud. He's breaking records as if it were his job. And with one more win, he'll set one more, one that seems almost improbable to break (although that's what was said of Mark Spitz's performance in the Munich Games).

I think it's time for people to get off their moral high horse and appreciate greatness when it is seen. This is a once-in-a-lifetime type of event, and it is sorry that many people are ruining the moment by wishing ill will towards a true great Olympian. Again, this is not to condone his lack of character or his immense pride issue. But the dude is good at what he does, and at the end of the day, he deserves the success he's getting after all the hard work and training he's put in all these years. I hope he gets that record; I hope to be able to say that I saw him set that record in my lifetime.

Update 8/16/08
He did it. The dude is amazing. I don't care what all the haters say about Michael Phelps. He is amazing. It was pretty disgusting to watch him tear up the last 50m on his leg of the medley. He is a freak of nature. And he deserves the glory of winning an unprecedented 8 golds. Congratulations to Phelps.

Nationalism

2008-08-12T21:22:00.004-04:00

The highly anticipated Beijing Olympics are underway. Michael Phelps' pursuit of eight golds dominate the storylines, as well as the pageantry of the opening ceremonies. There are rags-to-riches stories as well as athletes exceeding expectations. The Olympics have the special ability to bring together the world in competition, even in the midst of war and conflict. It's amazing to see how countries of all sizes rally around their athletes as they compete for a medal.

That's been the case for Koreans. Park Tae Hwan became the first Korean to medal in a swimming event in the Olympics when he won gold in the 400m freestyle. Immediately, every Korean beamed with pride as the eighteen-year-old rose to the podium to receive his gold. The small country came upon a new hero right from the start, stirring up even more nationalism.

As a Korean-American, I'm torn as to which athletes to root for. On one hand, I feel an affinity towards South Korea, the place of my birth. On the other, I've been raised most of my life in the United States. Perhaps this is the heart issue for most, if not all, immigrants to America. Does one stay loyal to his/her country of origin/heritage? Or embrace the country to which they have come to live in?

When I watch the Olympics these days, I've learned to embrace both aspects of my culture, as a Korean and as an American. I cheer on the Korean archers as they dominate the bow and arrow; I cheer on the American basketball team as they trounce helpless teams. But if ever the two countries would go head to head, I believe I would have to rally behind the Koreans. Perhaps it's because Korea is the Davids among the Goliaths; perhaps it's because my parents have succeeded in indoctrinating Korean pride. I don't know what it is, but Korea is where my heart is when it comes to international sports competition.

Community

2008-08-04T23:25:00.003-04:00

Finding a biblical community was definitely not something I expected to do when I first moved out to Ann Arbor to begin my college career. I had plans to take a break from the church scene and live a hedonistic lifestyle. I wanted the "American Pie" kind of college experience minus the sex. And for the first year and a half, I had no desire to do anything church-related. I partied. I tried to study. I lived for myself.

It was only when a lot of things began spiraling out of control did I consider God again. When my grandfather's bout with cancer took a turn for the worst, I had nowhere else to turn to. When my friend, the first person I met from HMCC, invited me to come out to her small group for the millionth time, I finally agreed to check it out. These Christians genuinely welcomed me and loved me for who I was. And I found myself opening up to these strangers about my issues, and they prayed for me in a way I had never known before. When my grandfather finally succumbed to his illness, it was this small group that helped me cope and helped me realize that God provided these people to show me how much He loved me and cared for me. I was hooked and recommitted to Christ that year.

Over the seven years that I've been part of this church, I'm so grateful for the small groups that I've been a part of. Each one, whether in the academic year or in the spring/summer, have all played a significant role in my growth and taught me unique lessons. I quickly learned that Christianity was not meant to be done alone. Each leader and member added things to the group that would teach me how great of a sinner I am and how great a savior God is.

And not only did I love the small group community, but I loved the bigger church community. From married couples to children's church and everything in between, I was affected in small and big ways. They were my mentors, disciplers, members, brothers, sisters, and friends. Whether I knew them for the duration of my involvement in HMCC or I just got to know them recently, they've all impacted parts of my life. They've taught me, inspired me, encouraged me, trained me, rebuked me, loved me, and everything else imaginable to get me to where I am today.

It is sad that I will no longer be part of this community. I've been told that this kind of community cannot be replicated. I believe the people who've told me that. These brothers and sisters in Christ are special. And I will sorely miss them. So for all the people that have poured into me, thank you for your patience, your compassion, your love. Only God knows if our paths will ever cross again, but at least you know that your labor i n the Lord was not in vain. Please keep in touch, and wherever we are, may we continue to love God and love His people.

Networking

2008-07-22T00:19:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is my last day of work at the Center for South and Southeast Asian Studies. All heavens rejoice! Just kidding...sort of.

In all seriousness, it's been almost three years since I've worked in this office. While it hasn't always been the most exciting and fulfilling job out there, it was a job nonetheless and so I've always been grateful for my experience. I've been surrounded by wonderful colleagues, faculty, and peers, along with having the opportunities to meet amazing lecturers from around the world. The tasks themselves weren't all that challenging, but the interactions I've had with these people have challenged not only my character, but also my perception on ideas and fascination on international affairs, particularly concerning politics in Asia.

Working for several years in between undergraduate and graduate studies was a worthwhile experience. I've learned to develop more interpersonal skills and networking abilities to help me in my career goals. Last night I had dinner with a faculty whom I had developed a good relationship with over the years, and she took it upon herself to give me various contacts of her former students who work in the Washington DC area who would be of help to me in my career pursuits. I don't consider myself to be much of an out-going and social person, and I've always found it difficult to network with people. But from seeing my director and faculty and other students network with others has taught me a thing or two to get uncomfortable for something greater.

P.Seth always reminds people who eventually leave the HMCC community to "never burn bridges" in relationships because you'll never know what will happen in the future. I see how some of these faculty are well-connected with past students all across the world. Whenever they travel, they seem to have people they know in some of these big cities whom they can meet up with. I hope to keep in touch with some of my colleagues as well as some of the faculty and students I've come to meet through this job. Whether to be in the know of what is going on in their lives or for career networking, I believe there is a reason why these people have been a part of my life these past several years.

At Least I Tried

2008-07-11T10:54:00.003-04:00

Nicholas Kristof, one of the New York Times Op-Ed writers, first opened my eyes to a form of slavery I had never been exposed to before--children, as young as eight, and women abducted from their homes to work in seedy brothels all around Cambodia. I could not begin to fathom how one could justify subjugating a child and rob them of their innocence by allowing Western tourists to sexually assault them.

Today, the New York Times published an editorial piece by John R. Miller, a public policy scholar at the Woodrow Wilson Center and a former State Department ambassador. In the article, he attacks the United States Department of Justice for not wanting to end the sex trafficking industry in the United States and abroad, one of the hallmark humanitarian platforms that President Bush has staked his presidential legacies on. I, too, agree with Miller in that the public should excoriate the Department of Justice for its refusal to do whatever it takes to end this horrific injustice.

The William Wilberforce Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act of 2007 was introduced last year to, among other things, give broader powers to Congress, the Department of State, the Department of Justice, and other federal agencies to combat the pervasive sex trafficking industry. The bill passed almost unanimously in the House of Representatives, but is currently stalled in the Senate Judiciary Committee. How the United States cannot get their act together and continue to ignore the eradication of rights for women and children who are trapped in the modern day slave trade is deplorable.

Although I am unsure of how everything is going to turn out in the years to come, I wish to get involved in tackling social injustice--maybe not sex trafficking per se (although I am open), but anything social injustice related. I watched the movie "Lions for Lambs" last night, and in the highly politically-charged movie, Robert Redford's character, a college political science professor, tries to logically persuade an apathetic student with utmost potential to care about society and get involved. In one of the more poignant parts of the movie, the student says, "You think it is better to have tried and failed than to have failed to try. But what is the difference if you end up in the same place?" And the professor calmly responds, "At least you tried something."

When all is said and done, when I have to give an account for what I did with my one life, I want to say that at least I tried to make right some wrongs in the world in which I live in today. At least I tried.

What the Future Holds

2008-07-01T15:44:00.001-04:00

Ever since my decision to leave Ann Arbor to pursue a graduate degree in Washington D.C., I've been repeatedly asked to share my vision in life after graduate school. And I simply respond, "I don't know."

I've been struggling for quite awhile about what I should center my academic focus on and finding a clear-cut long-term vision for my life. Coming up from a visionary church culture where everything I did had to have a vision, I found it hard to think that I didn't have a concrete plan for my graduate studies and thereafter. Inwardly, I felt a bit insecure because I didn't have a 10-year plan and how my international relations degree would bring God glory.

Even as I sat down to write my statement of purpose for grad school applications, I was conflicted as to what I wanted to do and what my motivation was. Eventually, I wrote out how each of the graduate program would help me in my interest in seeking political redress for victims of human rights violations in North Korea. But even when I submitted my applications, I was not completely satisfied with my purpose.

But lately, God has been speaking to me and giving me peace in small ways. The cost of following Christ demands radical obedience. When Jesus called the Twelve to follow Him, the disciples needed radical faith to abandon everything. They didn't have the slightest clue as to what following Christ truly meant. They may have speculated how Jesus' calling would play out in their own lives, but they certainly could not have imagined that ten of them would be martyred, one would betray Jesus, and one would live out the rest of his life in exile. It was only when they stepped out in faith and believed that God began setting things in motion and used each of them to accomplish His purposes.

In the same way, I'm beginning to see that work in my life. At each crossroad, He invites me to take a leap of faith. And as I'm beginning to learn how to make decisions based on faith, I realize that God doesn't tell me everything I would like to know. He tells me enough so as to make faith possible. And while it is good to have some idea of a vision, I'm learning that, as with all things, I need to hold it loosely because God's plan will always trump mine. And in terms of where I am now, with the question of what I want to study and for what purpose, I realize there is no such thing as a bad decision. Regardless of whether I focus on human rights issues in the repressive North Korean state or the effects of ethnic conflict in eroding human rights and destabilizing political structures around the world, God can use me. And wherever that takes me, God is control and bids me to come follow Him.

And so, now when people ask me what I want to do with my life, I can confidently say that I don't know but my God does and that's all that matters.

To Be Brave or Be Safe?

2008-06-24T11:24:00.002-04:00

In fact, for parents, Jesus asks us, I think, to make yet another choice. Are we raising our children to be brave or to be safe? Are we raising our children to be loving or to be smart? Raising them to be successful or significant? How does God raise his children? This marvelous quote from C.S. Lewis I’d like to have you look at for just a moment: “Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness…Kindness merely as such cares not whether its object becomes good or bad, provided only that it escapes suffering.” My vulnerabilities as a parent are such that sometimes I just want my kids to escape suffering. But then they just can’t be good or brave.

IJM’s almost 10-years-old now, and one of the privileges I’ve had is ten years of interns at IJM. There are hundreds of them now who have served with us. And one other thing I’ve had a chance to connect to is hundreds of intern parents. We take these very young, earnest, incredibly sharp, brilliant Christian young people and send them off to these very tough places to go serve some very needy and hurting people. And this is a tough step of faith for the young people, but this is a leap of faith for the parents. It’s incredible to watch because all their life these parents have been plowing faith into their children, and the love of Jesus, and it turns out their children actually believe it! And they go do it! And the parents are out of their minds! Sometimes I wonder, because I think there comes a time when the child asks his mom and dad, "Mom and dad, why are you giving me all this stuff? Because you've given me food and shelter and clothing and great education and discipline and faith and structure and all these things, but mom, dad, why are you giving me all this stuff? And the honest answer for me is that I'm giving you all this stuff so you'll be safe. And I think my kid looks up to me and says, "Really? That's it? That's your grand ambition for me? That nothing bad happens?" And I think something inside of them dies. - Gary Haugen, Director and CEO of International Justice Mission (IJM)

I was reading through IJM's website to look for possible internships, and I came across this sermon that Gary Haugen gave at a church. And as I was reading this sermon, I was reminded of the initial small steps I've taken towards my destiny in these past eight years in Ann Arbor.

For the longest time, I had convinced myself that I was not called to missions work. I loved my ESPN, my burgers, my bed, my car, and all the comforts afforded to me by my privileged life in America. I could not imagine living in a foreign land, eating exotic foods I couldn't even pronounce, and around people who couldn't speak the same language. I knew in my head that there were lost people who needed to hear the Gospel, but I didn't want to be the person who God could use to share the good news.

During my senior year of college, Nicholas Kristof, the New York Times writer, began a series of articles centered around the sex trafficking problem in Cambodia. Girls, as young as six, were being sold into brothels to be used as a sex slave for western tourists. That absolutely disgusted me, and a part of me wanted to do something to stop this injustice from continuing. Sovereignly, that summer, HMCC would send a missions team to Cambodia and Thailand, and I was given the opportunity to apply to be part of that team. But I struggled. On one hand I wanted to be brave and be available to minister to the people in Southeast Asia, whatever their needs were. On the other, I loved my comforts of home too much to give up for some people I didn't even know. But thank God for some key older brothers and pastors in my life who spoke loving truth to make me evaluate my heart. In the end I decided to take that leap of faith and go to Cambodia and Thailand for that summer, and that decision has made all the difference.

I love my parents, who are God-fearing Christians. My mom tells me she prays every morning for my brother and me. She tells me she's proud of us that we still follow Jesus and serve our churches that we do. But she has her limitations. Last year, I was convicted to go on one more summer missions trip to confirm different things that God was putting on my heart. I told my mom that I wanted to go to a communist country to be available to do anything and everything. My mom hesitated before telling me to reconsider. She said that it'd be too dangerous and that if I wanted to, I could go to China later on in life. She told me that people here in America need Jesus also, and she asked me why I would want to risk" my life by going to a closed country. I decided to obey God and not my mom.

I had grown up to be cautious and careful, to be risk-averse and conservative. And I think a part of me did die in the process. The excitement that comes from being part of an adventure was all but gone in my life. But slowly God has been renewing me as I learn more of His calling for me. When He calls me to have faith, He brings me to a place where faith is possible--in the uncertainties, unknowns, difficulties, etc. Obedience to God is often hard and scary; but it is richly rewarding. And though I know the decisions I will make in the future will only get harder and scarier, I pray that I would muster the courage to choose to be brave and follow conviction over safety and comfort.

Life Goes On

2008-06-18T11:37:00.003-04:00

More and more people are packing their bags and leaving Ann Arbor. Some are gone for the summer. Others are gone for good. And soon enough, I will join the ranks. And with that thought comes a flood of emotions. Relief. Joy. Excitement. Trepidation. Anxiety. Doubt. Regret. Sadness.

I will admit, I am a sentimental fellow. I can get emotional at times, especially when good friends come and go. In the past year, many of my friends have left town. Some to Chicago, some to New York, some internationally, and others in various places around the world. This week alone, people have moved on from Michigan to Austin, New York, and New Jersey. It is sad to say goodbye, especially with the uncertainty that we'll ever cross paths again.

There was a time when I would wallow in my sadness as friends departed one by one. Recollecting all the fond memories made it so hard to imagine life apart from them. The bond and emotional attachment seemed too strong to sever, and sometimes I'd wonder if it would've been better to never have met them. But I've come to realize how short-sighted that mentality had been. Were it not for these friends, I would not have learned all the lessons I did in these past eight years. I would not have known what it meant to trust, encourage, serve, and love others. I would not have had anyone to support me through struggles and share in my triumphs. Each friend has played a significant role in the formation of my worldview and character.

While it is sad to have people leave after years of friendships forged through fire, it is a wonderful thing that we are moving on. Life indeed does go on, near or apart from our friends. We will live to see another day, near or apart from our friends. But I am convinced that distance does not define relationships, especially with the innovative means of telecommunications today.

So in this season of good-byes, I say, life's too precious to get all choked up in tears and sadness. I choose to look at the possibilities of the future, of where God is calling me and where God is calling my friends. So whether in New York, the Midwest, in California, in Texas, or in Korea, in China, in Taiwan, whether you're an i-banker, a med student, a teacher, homebody, I'm excited to see how our lives will turn out. I'm looking forward to hearing stories via gchat, email, facebook, blogs, and phone calls, and maybe possibly in future weddings and reunions.

Til then...

Responsibility

2008-06-16T09:58:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was Father's Day. I love my dad, flaws and all, for all that he's done for me and my family. I can never underestimate the role that he has played in my life. And I thank God for him and the love he shows.

Yesterday was also a day when the Democratic presumptive nominee for the presidency gave a speech at an African-American church in Chicago. The theme of the message was a very sensitive and delicate matter in the black community - the lack of moral responsibility of the black male in the family. Mr. Obama said, "Too many fathers are M.I.A., too many fathers are AWOL, missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it." He later went on to say, "We need families to raise our children. We need fathers to recognize that responsibility doesn't just end at conception. That doesn't just make you a father. What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child. Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father." And though I do not necessarily agree with all of his political views, I will give him credit for the audacity to speak so bluntly on this race-sensitive matter.

But to take it one notch higher, it is not just an African-American problem, although it is more prevalent in the black community. The strength of families strongly depend on the health and vibrancy of two parents (mother and father) in all communities, and in this post-baby boomer generation, there seems to be a dearth of responsible young males dedicated to their wives and their children. How do you inspire faithful and responsible males in this generation in which popular culture says that sleeping around and having children out of wedlock is the fun thing to do? It almost seems hopeless.

But one thing that encouraged me yesterday was when some of the wives of our church read letters written from their hearts to their husbands and the fathers of their children. It showed me a glimpse of hope that there are men in the church today who are striving to fulfill their calling to be faithful husbands and loving fathers. And though I am still far away from even thinking about being a husband and a father, I am inspired by the examples I see and hope to follow in their footsteps.

The Local Church

2008-06-10T09:14:00.003-04:00

About a year ago, I was in western China as part of a summer missions team. Per the missionary's directive, we were encouraged to connect with locals and share the Gospel, something we never anticipated doing in a "closed-country." We traveled from village to village and city to city praying that people would come to accept this good news.

In one of the cities, a few of us stumbled across a Muslim woman (most of the people we met were Muslim) who was inside a school complex. Somehow we found ourselves talking with her, and soon, we even began to share the Gospel. Starting from Adam and Eve and the original sin to the birth and death and resurrection of Christ, we methodically went over the Bible to share about the redemptive work of Jesus and what it meant for her life. We kept asking if she understood concepts of sin and atonement, and she said she did. She seemed to agree with everything we were sharing, which was exciting considering all the people we shared the Gospel with before had rejected us. So eventually, we told her that Jesus wanted to save her and all she had to do was invite Jesus into her life and accept that she could not be saved except through faith in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. She paused for a long time to consider it, but ultimately said she couldn't. We asked her why she couldn't. She said the only reason was that all of her friends and family were Muslim and that Islam was part of their culture and heritage. She couldn't get over the fact that she didn't know any other person of her kind that followed Christ; there was no local church to be a viable witness. That was her stumbling block.

That experience confirmed one of the greatest lessons I've learned during my extended stay in Michigan. God knew what He was doing when I didn't understand why I kept getting the conviction to stay in Ann Arbor. I had only begun getting serious about following Christ by the time I graduated college; staying longer helped me to develop stronger convictions about the local church by serving HMCC.

By no means was my experience with HMCC perfect. But despite all of its flaws, I thank God for the church because it has taught me so much as I am preparing to move onto the next stage of life. The community is priceless, and I'll miss the people that have loved me, encouraged me, pushed me, inspired me, challenged me, rebuked me, and been there for me all these years.

My prayer is this: that HMCC would remain steadfast to its vision of transforming lost people into Christ disciples who will then transform the world. Whether in Ann Arbor, in Chicago, in Austin, in Indonesia, and wherever else God takes the church, I pray that the Gospel would take root and multiply.

To Austin

2008-05-19T10:57:00.004-04:00

This past weekend, Pastor Ben, Susan, Isaiah, and several brothers and sisters were commissioned to launch a church plant at the heart of the University of Texas in Austin. Most of them left after Sunday Celebration yesterday for their new home down south. It's kind of surreal to think that some of these guys that I've known for some years now are no longer nearby. I guess that's what happens when close friends and people you serve alongside for years are gone from your life.

Though I am a bit sad that I won't be seeing these guys anymore, at least not in the near future, I'm more excited to see what God is gonna do in Texas. We're living in an exciting chapter in our lives when the possibilities seem endless and God is moving people towards their destinies. For these brothers and sisters, their short-term future lies in Austin, laying down the foundations for the body of Christ that desires to extend Christ love to unreached people at UT. And though I will not be readily connected to the HMCC family upon my departure to Washington D.C., I hope to hear stories of God's faithfulness and power demonstrated through this church plant.

So to the brothers and sisters of this team, I've been blessed to have known you (some better than others). But regardless of the nature of our relationship, I've been thoroughly encouraged and inspired by you all through the years of serving together in building up the body of Christ in Ann Arbor. And now as you have gone to fulfill the destiny that God has given you, I'm looking forward to hearing magnificent testimonies from you all. Whether you plant your roots in Austin or go on to bigger things for God elsewhere in America and/or the world, I hope that we can still be connected through whatever means available.

I hope to visit Austin one of these days, and so if I do make it out there, I'll be looking forward to some porterhouse steaks. And if, for whatever reason, you come out to Washington D.C., you'll have a friend to call out.

God bless, and I'll be praying for you guys.

Beginning of the End

2008-04-25T09:49:00.009-04:00

It's that time again. Finals are done with, and students are pouring out. Commencement activities are in full swing. But in the midst of all the familiarities, there is something different about this year--at least for me. It's been eight years in the making (some would say four years overdue). It's time for me to begin saying goodbyes to those who have left an impression in my life at one point or another.

Throughout the next two or three months I have left in Ann Arbor, I wish to highlight those people who've made these past eight years memorable. At the very minimum, these entries will serve to remind me of how God faithfully placed these people during a crucial stretch of my young life.

SHIFT_

There was a good chance I would have never met these brothers and sisters. Last spring, I remember going back and forth whether I should stay in Ann Arbor one more year. I was a bit exhausted from serving as a small group leader, and I was beginning to doubt what God was doing in my life. But after much prayer and consultation with older brothers/sisters, I decided to dedicate one more year in serving the local church.

When I first found out about the make-up of the group, I was filled with trepidation because the group was so young. All along, I felt like I didn't have enough time and resources to minister to these brothers and sisters while doing a million other things that I had committed to. But that's when God spoke: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

This year, by no means, has been easy. Every week, God was definitely showing me that I was weak. All the times I tried relying on my past experiences as a small group leader, God broke me. There were times when I wanted to quit as well as times when God was evidently moving. There were times when I questioned whether all the things that Mirae and I were doing were worth it. But in the end, I know that God is faithful.

Last night, as I was watching the video that these guys made for us, I was blown away. Here I was, expecting God to do things my way, but all along, He knew what He was doing in the lives of all the brothers and sisters in the group. And as each person shared on the video, I felt God whispering to me, "it wasn't you leading them. It was me." And it's so true. I didn't d o much. But God took what I offered, and He multiplied it. I see it in their lives. From day one to where they are now. I see the hand of God working in their lives. And I'm amazed. And I thank God for them.

I want to thank each member that's made my last small group a memorable one. Humphrey. Justin. Joel. Paul. Sam. Nina. Lisa. Sieun. Christine. So Yeon. Sarah. Donna. Daniel. Rachel. Nick. Gary. Katie. Mirae. We'll keep in touch. I'm excited to see what God will do in your lives in the years to come. =)

Worth

2008-03-20T09:23:00.003-04:00

This past Tuesday, in small group, we reflected on the cross and what the cross means to us. And as I was meditating on Scripture, the question that kept coming to mind was, "How much is Jesus worth to you?"

In all four Gospels, there is a story of a woman (only John's account notes her name as Mary) who brings an expensive perfume made of pure nard in an alabaster jar and pours all of it on Jesus. The writers note the price of the perfume as being three hundred Greek Denarii, equivalent to a full year's worth of wages. In the Matthew account of the story (Matthew 26:6-16), Judas Iscariot, one of the Twelve and future betrayer of Christ, becomes disillusioned and immediately goes to the chief priests, agreeing to betray Jesus for the price of 30 silver coins.

Mary Magdalene came to Jesus, unsolicited, and willingly spent a year's wage on Jesus Christ. As much as the price of the perfume is incredulous, the manner in which she anointed Jesus topped it off. John 12:3 says that she poured the perfume on Jesus' feet and wiped His feet with her hair. In ancient Palestine, everyone walked in sandals, and thereby people's feet would get really dirty. So for anyone to wash someone's feet, it meant complete humility on the part of the washer and a sign of honoring the person whose feet was being washed. Mary not only washes Jesus' feet, she does so with her hair. And for her deed, Jesus says, "She has done a beautiful thing to me...I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her" (Mark 14:6-9).

Judas Iscariot, on the other hand, agrees to hand Jesus over to the enemy for thirty silver coins. Some agree that the worth of these silver coins came out to a month's wage back in those days. I find it interesting that thirty silver coins was the price of a slave in Biblical times. Having spent three years under Jesus, Judas sees Jesus as worth nothing more than a slave whom he can keep or sell, depending on his disposition.

How much do I value Jesus Christ in my life? I can say that I treasure Him above anything else, but actions speak louder than words. Is He worth a full year's wage? Can I run to Him, unsolicited, and give Him everything I have to live on because He is who He is, the Son of God, the savior of the world? Or is he only worth the price of a slave? When Jesus becomes inconvenient or hard to follow, do I just sell Him out for chump change?

When I look at the cross of Christ, I see how much God valued us. He gave to the ultimate degree. And all I can do is fall on my knees in repentance because I know I don't give my ultimate to Him. I am unworthy to be called your son.

For God (the greatest lover) so loved (the greatest degree) the world (the greatest number) that he gave (the greatest act) his only begotten son (the greatest gift) that whosoever (the greatest invitation) believes (the greatest
simplicity) in him (the greatest person) shall not perish (the greatest deliverance) but (the greatest difference) have (the greatest certainty) everlasting life(the greatest possession). John 3:16 (Martin Luther)

So Amazed

2008-03-11T10:24:00.006-04:00

March 9. 2008.

A few days earlier, at work, I received an email from the admissions office at the School of International and Public Affairs at Columbia University. It was a succinct letter denying me of admissions to my dream school. I can't say that I was bitter or upset. I saw it coming, even though I had held out for what little hope I had. But even foreseeing the denial, I could not keep myself from worrying about subsequent decisions from schools. I began to doubt and took matters into my own hands. I needed a fall-back plan and began job-searching at work. I went into HMCC's prayer gathering kind of dejected. I found it difficult to pray, difficult to worship as my mind was going back to the letter I had received from Columbia. Again, God was showing me how much I had not learned about surrender. I began to journal, and as words were being written, I felt God challenge me again and again with a simple question: Who do you say that I am? I responded like Peter. In my mind, I didn't understand why God would keep asking me this question. You are the Christ, the messiah. But God would not let it go. Almost as if He was not fully satisfied with my answer, He probed deeper. Am I really your Christ and Lord? The day's reading for the 40 Days to Destiny Campaign came alive. And God was searching my heart to see if I really believed that Jesus was Lord of my life. On the outside, I tried to appear cool and collected. Oh God will provide. I'm surrendered. I'll be okay if I don't get into any schools. But on the inside, I was anxious. I didn't want to re-apply and look for new jobs, etc. But at the end of the day, I resigned and lifted up a short prayer. God, if you've really convicted me the past four years of a certain direction in life, then I want to trust that you will make it happen. God teach me to surrender daily.

3.11.08

After a long and eventful weekend, I came back from church and passed out in the living room. With my friends from out-of-town visiting for another friend's proposal to his girlfriend, I had quickly forgotten about the anxieties of graduate schools. But after I woke up from the much needed Sunday afternoon nap, I had an urge to check my mailbox. After all, I was expecting a package pertaining to my laptop. But instead, I found a large packet that resembled an admissions package. I quickly tore open the envelope to find an admissions letter from American University. I was floored. I had to read and reread the letter.

American University was definitely one of my top choices. It is ranked in the top ten international relations programs in the country. So when I found out I got accepted, I knew it was all by the grace of God. My academic standings were not all that great and I'm sure there were hundreds of more qualified applicants than me. So for me to gain acceptance into one of the best programs in the country was by far a miracle. It was almost as if God was saying, I created the heavens and the earth. I can move mountains. I can shake the earth. I can do all things. Throughout the night and even all of yesterday, I reflected a lot. I was talking to a brother about the process that God had taken me. And I'm so amazed. Eight years in Ann Arbor. Falling away and rejecting God. Crawling back like the prodigal son. A trip out to Southeast Asia. A trip out to China. Four years of serving the local church through thick and thin. Engineering. Pre-med. History. English. Journalism? Public Policy? International Relations. And here I stand. Completely amazed. Completely broken by the grace of God. Completely thankful for all the experiences God put me through. And I know He's not finished with me just yet.

The Father's Love

2008-02-13T11:22:00.005-05:00

Since the Winter Retreat, I've been thinking about this a lot.

* * *
1992. Barcelona, Spain. 400-meters.

Derek Redmond's track-and-field career had come down to this one race that he had been training for his entire life. After shattering the British record for the 400m, his career took a downturn, marred with serious injuries and knocking him out of the 1988 Seoul Olympics and other international competitions. But he was healthy again for his last shot at Olympic glory.

He coasted through his first few heats. And then tragedy struck again. With about half the race to go, he hears a pop and comes up limping in pain. He hobbles for a few more yards and then crumples to the turf. And his dreams of medaling are shot again.

Jim Redmond has traveled with his son to Barcelona. He sits in the stands, nervously watching his son race. Then he sees his son pull up, an all-too-familiar scene. He rushes down the stadium aisles, running towards his injured son. Security guards chase after him, trying to stop him. But Jim won't be stopped.

The medical stretcher arrives. Derek brushes them aside, determined to finish the race. He gets up and begins to limp on one leg towards the finish line. He was going to finish.

Jim runs on to the track and grabs Derek. "I'm here, son," he says to Derek. "We'll finish together." In front of tens of thousands of live spectators and millions more around the world, father and son walked the rest of the hundred-some meters to the finish line.

"I'm the proudest father alive," Jim tells the media afterwards. "I'm prouder of him than I would have been if he had won the gold medal. It took a lot of guts for him to do what he did."

* * *
I can't say I have or have had the most perfect relationship with my dad. I still carry deep-rooted emotional, psychological, and even physical scars from my youth. And there was a time I hated him and thought I would be better off without him. I couldn't understand how God was good.

But God is in the business of restoration and redeeming mankind. I am living proof. Today, I thank my God everyday for my father. God has healed a lot of the wounds. He has turned my dad's life around. And through the evolving relationship with my earthly father, I see a glimpse of the Heavenly Father's love for His sons and daughters.

A father's love knows no bounds.

* * *
but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Purpose

2007-10-29T13:14:00.001-04:00

It's already been one year. He was supposed to have turned 21 yesterday. But I'm sure the party up there was matchless.

Some would say he was foolish. Foolish for cutting short his youth to enlist and put his neck on the line. Foolish for leaving his family and friends. Foolish for seemingly being reckless in wanting to serve the country. But in the words of a wise man, "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

Some would say his life was wasted. Only 20 years young, with an entire future ahead of him. But he did something that many fail to achieve in a lifetime. He found his purpose. That is hardly a wasted life.

All would say he left his mark. And his legacy continues.

Undergraduate Retreat: Part 1

2007-10-16T14:29:00.001-04:00

Somewhere along the lines, I bought into lies. The only way God could use me was...

if I just prayed harder
if I just read the Bible more
if I just read more Christian books
if I just listened to holier songs
if I just went to more church activities
if I just spent more time with people
if I just knew everything of God
if I just more articulated in speech
if I just stopped lying
if I just fast and pray
if I just talk about God all the time
if I just clung to my Christian friends

Somewhere along the lines, I bought into more lies. God can't use me...

because I am shy
because I am skinny
because I am a poor speaker
because I'm not smart
because I have skeletons in my closet
because I am self-righteous
because I am proud
because I am stubborn
because I am average
because I lack self-confidence
because I am ugly.

But then God says...

it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, not by works
my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness
you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light
you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir
you were once lost, but now you are found
there is a remnant chosen by grace. And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace.

Utter Depravity

2007-10-08T10:01:00.001-04:00

We are taught that humanity is intrinsically good, that the evil deeds people are prone to commit is a direct result of external circumstances. I'm sure external circumstances contribute to some of the worst atrocities the world will ever see. But I cannot agree that people are inherently good. All evidence points to the contrary, and we look towards blaming other things to remove the guilt from our conscience.

For instance, take a look at this article from the New York Times. There is an epidemic that is hitting the population of Congo. The rate of incidents of women being raped is escalating at an extraordinary pace. A group called the Rastas are "notorious for burning babies, kidnapping women and literally chopping up anybody who gets in their way." I wonder how many sociologists, anthropologists, and others would say that this is a product of culture, war, poverty, etc. I venture to guess that the majority of them would. And that is the sad thing. We have become too intellectually "superior" to admit our own depravity and justify the horrific, inhumane activities of mankind.

What good is a government that cannot protect its own citizens? The Congolese armed forces deserve to be put on trial for crimes against humanity and its participation in systematically terrorizing and raping women. No citizens should fear for their own safety by those that have been called to protect and serve the country. It is a sad story that these kinds of widespread stories are not received by outrage by the international community. Somewhere between the news of Brittany Spears losing custody of her children and Pamela Anderson's wedding in Las Vegas, real newsworthy stories are lost. How sad humanity is.

Myanmar

2007-09-24T10:44:00.002-04:00

It's pretty crazy what is happening in Myanmar, the country formerly known as Burma. There is a growing, defiant yet peaceful revolution under way in the streets of Yangon and Mandalay, the two largest cities. It is the first of its kind since the democracy-activists demonstrated against the military regime in 1988. That democratic revolt was quickly crushed by military force with hundreds of students and activists brutally massacred. Yet in 1990, the military government allowed for elections, in which the National League of Democracy won 60% of the popular votes and elected Aung San Suu Kyi as Prime Minister. The military refused to acknowledge the result of the elections and refused to handover power to the NLD. Instead, they put Aung San Suu Kyi under house arrest and imprisoned many of the NDL's leaders.

For nearly two decades, the people of Myanmar have suffered under brutality of General Than Shwe. Economic conditions have worsened over time, leaving the majority of the people in abject poverty. Fears of political repercussions have squelched any political dissidents from opposing the military junta, and international condemnation and outcry have produced little movement for democratic liberalization. Aung San Suu Kyi has been the rallying point of human rights activists in Southeast Asia, the heroine of democracy in Myanmar.

In August of 2007, the start of the revolution took place with the junta's policy decision to increase the price of gasoline. Citizens, already burdened with the inability to afford much, were outraged at the price hike, and took to the streets to demonstrate against the policy. The military swiftly cracked down on the thousands, unleashing government-backed mobs to disperse the crowds and imprison leaders. However, Gen. Than Shwe underestimated the latest demonstrations. Soon thereafter, Burmese monks took up the cause and marched throughout major cities. Buddhist monks are well-respected, even with the military junta, and command a great deal of respect from all citizens. To violently crackdown on the monks would permanently cause catastrophic damage to the junta's PR. And so, cities like Mandalay have seen tens of thousands of monks march against the ruling government, and the government's hands are tied.

What happens next is up in the air. But for the first time in nearly two decades, the prospects of a liberal democracy in power in Myanmar look hopeful. Perhaps this ought to be an insight for future U.S. foreign policy-making decisions. Rather than forcefully imposing liberal democracy via a unilateral coup d'etat, perhaps rallying and supporting vocal leaders in those sovereign nations to overthrow radical theocracies and undemocratic elements would be the way to best win the hearts of the Middle East. Just a thought.

Incarnational

2007-09-13T15:40:00.001-04:00

People at HMCC have heard this term so much in the past couple of years. Leaders are beat over the head with this terminology without allowing for the meaning to settle in and register. I wonder how many of the leaders and, consequently, the members of the church fully understand what it means to be incarnational in ministry. The term, still not officially a word in the dictionary by the way, is veiled in mystery and vagueness that is loosely thrown out by everyone and anyone.

I wonder if there is one concrete definition of the term. Regardless, I've recently begun reading Donald Miller's "Blue Like Jazz," a book that I kind of pushed aside from reading until now. The prose is surprisingly well-written, and his style engages his audience effectively. In any case, he writes about a story he once heard from someone. I don't remember the exact details of the story, but it dealt with a hostage crisis that lasted a long time. Finally, the U.S. Navy Seals were sent on a covert rescue mission to extract the hostages out. When they got there, the hostages would not budge. The hostages had been subjected to torture and other atrocities which prevented them from trusting these Seals. With time running out and the hostages not responding, one of the Seals took drastic measure to rescue the hostages. He took off his mask and got real close to the hostages, close enough that the hostages would feel their humanity. With that, the hostages slowly warmed up, and soon enough, they were out of their.

To me, this pretty much encapsulates the word, "incarnational." It is to remove any barrier to the people and allow them to see Christ's humanity through your humanity. It is to be close to the people for them to experience Christ through you.

9.11

2007-09-11T13:29:00.001-04:00

It's been six years. Everything has changed; but not really. The world is a mightily different place since that day when commercial airplanes became weapons of mass destruction. But not really.

The lives of the families affected have changed. Six years later, they are without a son, a daughter, a father, a mother, a brother, a sister, a husband, a wife, a friend, a loved one. Their pain lies deep down inside the construction site of the future Freedom Tower.

Security has changed. Lines at the airports are longer. Random searches are more frequent. Borders and ports are supposedly tighter. Communication lines are legally tapped. There is a price to freedom.

But what else has changed? Fundamental Islam continues to gain steam in regions across the world. Osama continues to send out videotapes encouraging a caravan of martyrs against the West. Americans have, more or less, returned to their pre-9/11 way of life. Downtown New York City is vibrant again with a huge influx of new business and more money. Life has indeed gone on.

Regardless, it is the 6th anniversary of that fateful morning. And with this anniversary, I'm reminded to keep a fresh perspective on the value of life.

Church Planting

2007-09-10T14:11:00.001-04:00

All the years since AMI was formed, I had heard the idea of church planting so often. And I can honestly say that I didn't fully understand why AMI chose to focus so much on planting churches as a means of doing missions. It's not that I didn't believe in it. It's just that I couldn't really see it. I had no basis to concretely put church planting as an important means to further the work of Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice for the nations.

This past summer, I had the opportunity to go to a second summer missions trip with HMI. Three summers after my first trip to Cambodia and Thailand, I thought that this was the best time to go abroad once more to solidify a burden for missions work in Asia. We went to China not knowing what type of ministry that our team would be participating in and/or how everything would look like when we got to the field. But when we got there and got involved with the ministry that the local missionaries were participating in, especially the work in western China, the correlation of church planting and missions became clearer.

Where we stayed, there were no signs of a viable disciple-making indigenous community of believers. In a region where there are only a few hundred believers scattered among a population of ten million, the lack of a viable church became a stumbling block for at least a few people we met and shared the Gospel with. For them, their religious identity was tied in with their ethnic identity, that it was hard for them to accept the Truth. They had never met anyone in their own community who chose to believe in Jesus Christ, and therefore, they could not, in their conscience, choose to abandon what they had grown up with.

It is in this environment that missionaries we interacted with gave us a picture of what AMI had been reiterating over and over again. AMI's paradigm for missions work is to send out kingdom workers (foreign missionaries) to places in order to plant churches that'll raise up indigenous workers who can reach out to their own people group. I'm beginning to understand how church planting fits into the global perspective of missions, and perhaps this is how I will be involved in one form or another in participating in world missions, to be a part of a team of church planters who will go and start something.

Students

2007-09-06T10:13:00.001-04:00

"When dictators think of 22,000 students, they think of what you might do. When power is threatened, it is students who are feared. When power is threatened, dictators don't shut down the commercial districts; they close the schools. Students change the world. Students threaten what is because they have an anticipation of what might be and what should be. And from time to time, they have been relentless about pursuing it and the world changes." - Sarah Cohn, lawyer from the International Justice Mission (Urbana 2006)

With the new academic school year underway, I thought it'd be appropriate to start off a new blog talking about the student population, particularly college undergraduates. People continue to ask me why I remain in Ann Arbor and persist in doing college ministry. The only answer I can give is that God has placed a burden for me to stay and to invest in the future generations for the time-being.

The university has always been the perfect breeding ground for revolutionary thought. In an environment where the world's smartest people gather, new ideas are bound to be birthed. And it is during these formative years where students are shaped into the next generation of leaders who can change the world. This is the place where the future is limitless, where anything is possible. And what better place to invest in than at the campus of a major university.

God met me powerfully here at the University of Michigan and changed the trajectory of my life. And it is my desire that others experience the same life-change on this campus. That is why I've stayed for one more year. This is why I persist in doing college ministry. Students change the world.