So Amazed

March 9. 2008.

A few days earlier, at work, I received an email from the admissions office at the School of International and Public Affairs at Columbia University. It was a succinct letter denying me of admissions to my dream school. I can't say that I was bitter or upset. I saw it coming, even though I had held out for what little hope I had. But even foreseeing the denial, I could not keep myself from worrying about subsequent decisions from schools. I began to doubt and took matters into my own hands. I needed a fall-back plan and began job-searching at work. I went into HMCC's prayer gathering kind of dejected. I found it difficult to pray, difficult to worship as my mind was going back to the letter I had received from Columbia. Again, God was showing me how much I had not learned about surrender. I began to journal, and as words were being written, I felt God challenge me again and again with a simple question: Who do you say that I am? I responded like Peter. In my mind, I didn't understand why God would keep asking me this question. You are the Christ, the messiah. But God would not let it go. Almost as if He was not fully satisfied with my answer, He probed deeper. Am I really your Christ and Lord? The day's reading for the 40 Days to Destiny Campaign came alive. And God was searching my heart to see if I really believed that Jesus was Lord of my life. On the outside, I tried to appear cool and collected. Oh God will provide. I'm surrendered. I'll be okay if I don't get into any schools. But on the inside, I was anxious. I didn't want to re-apply and look for new jobs, etc. But at the end of the day, I resigned and lifted up a short prayer. God, if you've really convicted me the past four years of a certain direction in life, then I want to trust that you will make it happen. God teach me to surrender daily.

3.11.08

After a long and eventful weekend, I came back from church and passed out in the living room. With my friends from out-of-town visiting for another friend's proposal to his girlfriend, I had quickly forgotten about the anxieties of graduate schools. But after I woke up from the much needed Sunday afternoon nap, I had an urge to check my mailbox. After all, I was expecting a package pertaining to my laptop. But instead, I found a large packet that resembled an admissions package. I quickly tore open the envelope to find an admissions letter from American University. I was floored. I had to read and reread the letter.

American University was definitely one of my top choices. It is ranked in the top ten international relations programs in the country. So when I found out I got accepted, I knew it was all by the grace of God. My academic standings were not all that great and I'm sure there were hundreds of more qualified applicants than me. So for me to gain acceptance into one of the best programs in the country was by far a miracle. It was almost as if God was saying, I created the heavens and the earth. I can move mountains. I can shake the earth. I can do all things. Throughout the night and even all of yesterday, I reflected a lot. I was talking to a brother about the process that God had taken me. And I'm so amazed. Eight years in Ann Arbor. Falling away and rejecting God. Crawling back like the prodigal son. A trip out to Southeast Asia. A trip out to China. Four years of serving the local church through thick and thin. Engineering. Pre-med. History. English. Journalism? Public Policy? International Relations. And here I stand. Completely amazed. Completely broken by the grace of God. Completely thankful for all the experiences God put me through. And I know He's not finished with me just yet.