The Great Love of Christ

"Jesus loves us so much that He would rather go to hell for you than heaven without you."

Entering this semester, I had high hopes for God to do amazing things in my life. I wanted Him to teach me new things, to open my eyes to more of His vision for me, to lead me on new and exhilarating adventures, and the whole nine yards. What I didn't expect was to enter a dry spell. But that's exactly what happened. I'd go days without spending time with God. I'd go to church for the obligatory expectations of a good Christian. I'd attend small group to just hang out with people I'm still in the process of getting to know. The passion, the zeal, and the heart were simply not there. School has been overwhelming this semester. The demands of graduate studies kept me occupied with the need to always be reading about nuclear weapons, terrorism, insurgencies, statistical analysis, etc. And in the midst of all that, the desire for God waned and waned.

In the days leading up to Good Friday, I sat on my bed, popped open my study bible, eager to reconnect with God once again. It had been awhile, and somehow I had managed the time to get away from my books to focus on God. I read all four Gospel accounts of the final days of Christ, leading up to the time Jesus prays in the garden of Gethsemane. The words of Christ to Peter, John, and Andrew took on new meaning for me that night. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." As I began praying, I began falling asleep. Two hours later, I woke up and realized that I had fallen asleep while praying and reflecting. This was the condition of my heart. I was weak. I was weary.

During Good Friday service, the pastor preached on this very account, Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. Without going into depth, the one thing that he said that has stayed with me is this: Jesus loved us so much that he would rather go to hell for you than heaven without you. Bearing the entire wrath of God, He took the shame of the world and became sin for us. I don't know why but after that night, it felt like a weight was taken off my shoulder, and I could worship God freely again.

It's only been two days since, but I have regained the hope and expectancy I entered the year with. I know I'll falter and fail, but I also know that I have a great God who will pick me back up and push me forward again and again. Praise God for His great love.