Your Kindness Leads to Repentance

Harvest Mission Community Church had been my church for the last seven-plus years. It was the church that welcomed me, a sinner, into the arms of a mighty God. It was the church that showed me the full extent of God's love for all peoples. It was the church that taught me how to love the local body and to build up the body of Christ. And in the words of Paul, I thank my God every time I remember the church.

My relationship with the church, however, was not always rosy. I did not see eye-to-eye with the pastors all the time. I did not agree with some of the church's philosophy of ministry. I had issues with the structure of the organization. I questioned certain decisions. I took offense at comments directed at people. I definitely had many instances of bitterness, anger, and jadedness towards the church. I have definitely struggled in loving the church.

I tried to leave on a good note. I didn't want to leave on a bitter note like many of my friends. So I tried. And I thought I did a good job. But upon arriving in Washington D.C., God was revealing that I had not effectively dealt with the contentious issues I had with HMCC. I had merely bottled in the angst. I had not allowed God to heal me. Even as I got plugged into a church in the DC area, I took issues with the way the church in Ann Arbor operated, and it spilled over into arguments and debates with others.

It was only recently that God began the process of healing me. Hearing other people who had their own issues with the church share about their post-HMCC experience certainly helped. Visiting the Austin church also helped. But on the plane ride home from Austin, I listened to a sermon that was recommended by a friend. Pastor Mark Driscoll, lead pastor of Mars Hill Church, gave a sermon at a John Piper conference. He talks about the use of words in the church. One of the points he makes is that we need to pray for the shepherds. He says, "As ministers, we are far from being perfect. But many of us are doing our best. And we are grieved that the minds of our people should be more directed to our personal imperfections than to our divine message." Here I was, criticizing the weaknesses of the staff rather than focusing on the message of God and what it would have for me. Here I was, nitpicking on certain areas of minor disagreements that was preventing me from focusing on God and what He would have for me.

He also says, "Religious people preach repentance. They don't practice repentance. Religious people tell everyone to repent. They themselves fail to repent." I'm a bona fide pharisee. I had forgotten my roots as a sinner. I had gotten too caught up in the religiosity of serving in the church. I had become proud, somehow convincing myself that I knew better then anyone else and that what I had to say was worthy of an audience. I had neglected the Christian call to repentance, presuming a holier than though attitude. Other people should repent, not me. Through this sermon, God was revealing the magnitude of my sinfulness and how far from the cross I had swerved. And I found myself repenting on the plane and throughout the days to come.

I appreciate Harvest Mission Community Church. The church is composed of imperfect people who are trying their best to obey God. Do they have faults? Sure. But so do I. And that is the beauty of the grace of God. He uses imperfect people to proclaim the perfect love of God. Praise God.

If you are bitter or have issues with your church and/or others within the church, I highly recommend listening to this sermon. I pray that God would free you from the bondage of bitterness as He is doing in my life. Here is the link to the sermon. Feel free to drop a line or an email if you'd like to talk about the sermon and/or other issues.

To Be Brave or Be Safe?

In fact, for parents, Jesus asks us, I think, to make yet another choice. Are we raising our children to be brave or to be safe? Are we raising our children to be loving or to be smart? Raising them to be successful or significant? How does God raise his children? This marvelous quote from C.S. Lewis I’d like to have you look at for just a moment: “Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness…Kindness merely as such cares not whether its object becomes good or bad, provided only that it escapes suffering.” My vulnerabilities as a parent are such that sometimes I just want my kids to escape suffering. But then they just can’t be good or brave.

IJM’s almost 10-years-old now, and one of the privileges I’ve had is ten years of interns at IJM. There are hundreds of them now who have served with us. And one other thing I’ve had a chance to connect to is hundreds of intern parents. We take these very young, earnest, incredibly sharp, brilliant Christian young people and send them off to these very tough places to go serve some very needy and hurting people. And this is a tough step of faith for the young people, but this is a leap of faith for the parents. It’s incredible to watch because all their life these parents have been plowing faith into their children, and the love of Jesus, and it turns out their children actually believe it! And they go do it! And the parents are out of their minds! Sometimes I wonder, because I think there comes a time when the child asks his mom and dad, "Mom and dad, why are you giving me all this stuff? Because you've given me food and shelter and clothing and great education and discipline and faith and structure and all these things, but mom, dad, why are you giving me all this stuff? And the honest answer for me is that I'm giving you all this stuff so you'll be safe. And I think my kid looks up to me and says, "Really? That's it? That's your grand ambition for me? That nothing bad happens?" And I think something inside of them dies. - Gary Haugen, Director and CEO of International Justice Mission (IJM)

I was reading through IJM's website to look for possible internships, and I came across this sermon that Gary Haugen gave at a church. And as I was reading this sermon, I was reminded of the initial small steps I've taken towards my destiny in these past eight years in Ann Arbor.

For the longest time, I had convinced myself that I was not called to missions work. I loved my ESPN, my burgers, my bed, my car, and all the comforts afforded to me by my privileged life in America. I could not imagine living in a foreign land, eating exotic foods I couldn't even pronounce, and around people who couldn't speak the same language. I knew in my head that there were lost people who needed to hear the Gospel, but I didn't want to be the person who God could use to share the good news.

During my senior year of college, Nicholas Kristof, the New York Times writer, began a series of articles centered around the sex trafficking problem in Cambodia. Girls, as young as six, were being sold into brothels to be used as a sex slave for western tourists. That absolutely disgusted me, and a part of me wanted to do something to stop this injustice from continuing. Sovereignly, that summer, HMCC would send a missions team to Cambodia and Thailand, and I was given the opportunity to apply to be part of that team. But I struggled. On one hand I wanted to be brave and be available to minister to the people in Southeast Asia, whatever their needs were. On the other, I loved my comforts of home too much to give up for some people I didn't even know. But thank God for some key older brothers and pastors in my life who spoke loving truth to make me evaluate my heart. In the end I decided to take that leap of faith and go to Cambodia and Thailand for that summer, and that decision has made all the difference.

I love my parents, who are God-fearing Christians. My mom tells me she prays every morning for my brother and me. She tells me she's proud of us that we still follow Jesus and serve our churches that we do. But she has her limitations. Last year, I was convicted to go on one more summer missions trip to confirm different things that God was putting on my heart. I told my mom that I wanted to go to a communist country to be available to do anything and everything. My mom hesitated before telling me to reconsider. She said that it'd be too dangerous and that if I wanted to, I could go to China later on in life. She told me that people here in America need Jesus also, and she asked me why I would want to risk" my life by going to a closed country. I decided to obey God and not my mom.

I had grown up to be cautious and careful, to be risk-averse and conservative. And I think a part of me did die in the process. The excitement that comes from being part of an adventure was all but gone in my life. But slowly God has been renewing me as I learn more of His calling for me. When He calls me to have faith, He brings me to a place where faith is possible--in the uncertainties, unknowns, difficulties, etc. Obedience to God is often hard and scary; but it is richly rewarding. And though I know the decisions I will make in the future will only get harder and scarier, I pray that I would muster the courage to choose to be brave and follow conviction over safety and comfort.